28 Sep 2014

Dear Querida...

I raise the gun and shoot. Without flinching, without fear. The recoil from the gun shakes me but I stand my ground and watch him die slowly, his eyes wide with fear, betrayal and guilt. Oh yes!! I feel my chest heave with rapid breathing.

"Oh dear, that is one gruesome thought!"

I jump a foot in the air guiltily, looking for the owner of the voice. But I am quite alone in the park and no one seems to be around even near the marble bench on which I was seated moments ago. I feel my sweaty palms as if I actually was holding a gun and wipe them on my black skirt . My heart beat returns to normal as I take in my surroundings and sit back on the cool surface of the bench, wiping my forehead to calm myself down. The voice must have been my own thought, of course.
"No, it certainly wasn't your imagination.


I look around again, hoping to catch someone and definitely, this time I notice a man leaning against the nearest oak tree, wearing a black overcoat and olive pants, folding his arms over his chest, smiling at me. 

RUN! The voices in my head scream at once, but of course, I do not run. I give the man a look of disdain and go back to killing people in my head. And then I realize in a heartbeat, he had just answered my thoughts. Perspiration forms on my forehead as I slowly look back at the man. But he is not there! 

"Because I am right here, Querida."

My heart stops as I turn to my left and find him seated right next to me! I let out an involuntary gasp and start to get up, keeping a wide distance between us as I observe change of expressions on his face. 

"Look, I am not a stalker or creep or whatever you call those humans that hunt women. Or men. Or people in general." He smiles apologetically,

Yeah right! Thinking, I start walking, when I realize I've not moved an inch from the bench. I look up in horror and feel tears welling up in my eyes. Here I was, imagining killing someone a few minutes ago and now I could not even move. My heart starts beating like crazy and a thought flashes through my mind. May be he is here to kill me

"Always so dramatic." He chuckles, rolling his eyes in quite a similar manner to what I give in real life.

"Querida, You are unable to move because fear has rooted you to the spot. And I certainly do not intend to kill you."

I notice the similarity between the way we talk as I stare at him with open distrust.

"And curiosity."

"Will you stop doing THAT? Who are you?!" I intended to scream but I end up whispering. 

"Oh don't be so afraid. Stop jumping to the worst conclusions as well. I am just your guardian angel. And I had to make an appearance in the way you would like."

I definitely didn't like people materializing out of thin air. Wait, my what? 

Seriously? What?

"Seriously Yes. I am just your guardian angel." Just. My. Guardian. Angel. I realize I am gaping with shock, not really registering any of it.

He folds his legs underneath him and points at a bud of violet flower with his finger. Trust me, I see the bud open like a roll of tissue paper, oh wait, bad analogy, like a, well, a flower blooming in all it's violet glory. If I wasn't seeing it, I would not have believed it.

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"You would have. You always expect the extraordinary to happen. Honestly, sometimes even I wonder what you would think if you could see us. May be you will try to cast a spell or something." 

Or run.

"Yeah, may be that too!" He chuckles motioning me to sit down. Out of sheer curiosity I do as he says."I will tell you in a minute why I have manifested myself."

"Why are you a guy? Shouldn't you be a woman?" I blurt out, wondering if he can know my thoughts, he probably has seen me do everything. EVERYTHING. The thought makes me recoil, but he does not interrupt me this time. I breathe in and out, calming myself, when he speaks.

"I can be anything or anyone, depends on the situation. My essence is in people around you, who love you and in times of grave danger or distress or even a slip up, someone might turn up."

"Like my brother?"

"Like your brother. Like your grandma, whenever you've felt lonely. Like the friend who spoke to you all night when you felt low. Like that dog on the street you play with everyday, when you return from here." He says simply, like it is an obvious thing to understand.

"No, it is not obvious of course, Querida. I am just saying, I can be anyone, in anyone, depending on where you are."

"Okay. And?" I have hit a mental black wall. I have trusted this stranger, claiming...

"I am not claiming, I am. The reason I am here is to tell you that you don't have to feel lonely all the time."

"I am not lonely!" I stare at him indignant. He has morphed his black coat to a more warmer plaid shirt and jeans. Hmmm.

"Oh well, I thought I would feel like I belong here. And you are lonely Querida, which is the reason why I am here." 

Suddenly, I feel like an observer, imagining a lone girl sitting in the corner most part of the lush green park, on a cold marble bench, talking to someone who might be visible only to her. 

"Others can see me, Querida. My visibility is my own choice. Don't think about what others will think and listen to me. I know your life. Unusually so. I was assigned to you when you were barely seven months old. As in the time of your birth."

I try to listen to him, and then I realize, I was a premature. Seven month born.  

"Good. I was assigned...do you remember when you almost evaporated when the knob of temperature on your incubator was turned on high by mistake, I saved you then."

"Yeah, of course I remember. Seven months infants remember the details of their just beginning lives." I comment. He chooses to ignore. 

"I was making a point. Since that day, I have not left your side. I know I know you think that you've been saved at the last minute by a lot of things and sometimes not even that, but those were the events required to help you grow. And during other moments, I have saved you."

Is this an account of what good you did for me? I think but do not speak.

"No Querida, I  notice that you have been hurt so much that you are losing faith. And that is why I have to be here, to tell you that no matter wherever you are, I will be there to tell you that you will make it through. It may seem tough and downright impossible to act upon your faith and you may feel that life is not worth living for, given your circumstances, but I will make it worth it right before you are about to give up. I am your friend, benefactor, confidante, girlfriend, boyfriend, father, mother and anyone who you would ever need. You just have to believe once again that you are much more than what you think you are."

I realize his words are affecting me and emotions awash me in torrents as I start sobbing. I was in a pretty bad shape. I have no job, no family and mounting debts to pay. Dying seemed like a better option.

"You are precious, Querida and that is why I was assigned to you. You were an indomitable spirit even before birth and that should not change here. Reach out to me in times of distress and I will make you remember that the good times are just round the corner. I am to give you hope and lift you on your feet once again. Always." 

His words reach to my mind and open the floodgates. I cry and cry and cry as the wind picks up speed, bringing rains with it. 

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Memories, old and new flash through my mind, showing people who cared, really cared for me. I feel a great warmth swelling in my heart as the cool rain drops seep through my dark blue shirt making it look like a crumpled wave. I sob until I feel warm arms around me. I sob into his shoulders, feeling like I am really not alone. His hold is not tight nor loose and he is holding his breath. I realize he must be hearing my thoughts as I feel him chuckle. 

"Thank you." I wipe my eyes as he smiles and hugs me once
again, as I close my eyes in his protective, pure embrace.

"Ma'am, should I drop you home?" I jerk open my eyes to notice that the old caretaker of the park is standing behind the bench, with a large yellow umbrella. I notice that my friend is no where to be seen.

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I am here Querida. In your heart. In him. Go home. I will see you over coffee, till you find a worthy companion.

"Yes, that would be lovely, thank you." I smile at the old man and get up to leave, feeling the presence of my G.A. invisible beside me

May be I wouldn't be lonely anymore.

Of course not Querida.


PS: Querida means Darling in Spanish. My recent fav. word. <3


Keirthana said...

Yay! You wrote and brilliantly so :) Loved the story plot and the pics are so refreshing :)

Wings of Harmony said...

Keirthana: :D Yes!!! Finally! :D Thank you thank you! <3

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

A summer in the depths of winter, nice :-)

Blasphemous Aesthete

Wings of Harmony said...

BA: :D Thank you!! :)

Saru Singhal said...

May be, it's me who felt a strange sense of connection to this fiction. Like a part of me was experiencing that fear, emotions and you know, sometimes you sit and ponder, unable to express but mind is doing all the talking, on your behalf and against you.

Brilliant writing!

Wings of Harmony said...

@Saru: Yes! I understand what you felt... :) And sometimes, that conversation you have with your mind, is the most peaceful thing you may have ever experienced :D

I am SO glad you made it here!!! :D :D Welcome!

Eluckiaa A said...

I could connect myself with your story. Brilliantly written!