28 Dec 2013

I Am Infinite...

Imagine a place where you are in complete darkness. Imagine no sound, except your breathing. Imagine no sense of touch except the warm liquid, the temperature of which matches your body temperature, that makes you float. Imagine no sight, which will make you doubt your real sense of vision. What would you be, in complete nothingness? Would you still be or would you just fade away?

I can feel my heart pumping madly against my chest. I can feel panicked pumping in my ears and a mad urge to scream. I cannot see, I cannot hear, except my hitched breathing and involuntary sounds which my throat is making as a last reminder of my being. I try to move my fingers - of hands and feet, yes, they are still there - where am I? What am I doing? Oh my god! Is this how death feels? Let go! You are in a floating chamber. You wanted to be in one! Yes, I recall now, I am inside a tank - there must be some light somewhere. Should I close my eyes? Will it make any difference? Hello? 

All I hear is my own voice

Calm down. You are safe. From everyone. See? You can breathe! You are not choking! Close your eyes and imagine wonderful things. There's no one to stop you. Yes. I am floating. I see my parents - I wonder what they must be doing right now. Hmm, there's that theater with wonderful sound system. I must go there sometime. Why am I thinking? Thinking - we waste so much time on frivolous matters. People are everywhere. Running around - running, chasing. Why? What happens in the end? I see stars, purple, blue and white! I can hear a buzz in my ears. I am alive? Why am I talking? I... do I need  to....?


Grace? It's time to leave the tank. You have been there for 20 minutes now... you are in your body. You can hear me. I am Dr. David. You know me. Open your eyes.

Open your eyes.

Music. Like heaven. Wonderful music! Clouds!

I am. What am I? Grace. That's me? That's me!

 Bright light. What is it! The light is too much to bear. Water! 

I feel a tingle all over me. I feel the tiny hair on my body raise. I can feel the water. 


I open my eyes and find myself back in the chamber. The diffused blue lights are on. My mind is blissfully empty. I hold the bars on the side of the tank and get up. I look at the unfamiliar face smiling at me. With a jolt I realize that's Dr. David! I smile back tentatively.

"Well? How was it?" He asks me, grinning.

"Amazing!" is the only word that comes out of my mouth, as I start grinning.


11 Dec 2013

Silent Snowflakes

I let it go (and now I know),

A brand new life (is down this road),

And when it's right (you always know).

So this time (I won't let go),

There's only one thing left here to say,

Love's never too late...

LET ME GO By Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger

It was drizzling when she decided she couldn't remain indoors. She had to get to the bookstore and see the book. But it was book launch today and bookstore would be crowded, she thought, cowering. So what? Her mind defended. Yeah, so what? I want to read the book,see it for myself and so I shall! She gets up from her couch, resolute, dresses up and grabs an umbrella, walking quickly towards the auto stand. 

She fetches an auto quickly, directing it to go to Forum Mall, her heart thumping wildly against her ribs... She should totally ditch it! What would people say? She doesn't even look like someone who would love books, let alone read them. The book launch would start in another 4 hours, it was 1 PM, too early for anyone to be there really. Stop thinking so much!

Lost in her own whirlpool of thoughts, she gets down the auto, opens her purple umbrella and walks towards the entrance of the mall. No one's outside - in the assembly area, obviously, since it has now started to rain like a faucet has been open - she looked at the cloudy sky grumpily. Stupid Weather. She enters the mall, through the security check, upstairs towards the Kalmane coffee shop upstairs on the second floor - it gave a little more privacy than her another favorite coffee joint CCD downstairs. OH! She had to be in the bookstore! But oh, she was so nervous - what if she has to talk to someone - what if someone she knows bumps into her?

She decides to grab a cup of coffee first, it would warm her cold fingers and give her some courage. Overreaction. He brain comments sarcastically. She orders for a Cinnamon Mocha and sits on the small cushion-y seat. Her phone beeps - Launch in 3 hours 35 minutes!! Can't wait to see you there!! xoxo! -  She suddenly wants to be home - with her family and not in this strange city with which she has fallen in love, which returns love doubly. She gets her coffee and the first sip makes her realize why she loves this place so much! She smiles at the tender and walks out, carrying the hot Styrofoam cup in both her hands, her umbrella neatly folded and hidden in the corners of her handbag. 

Now she can peacefully go into the bookstore - "Don't MISS the launch of the AMAZING NEW SERIES by Drishti Thakur! "The Silent Snowflakes" book launch in India, today  - Here at 5!! Be here!!" She looks at the huge banner at the entrance of the bookstore and walks in. A small shiver passes through her as she looks at the display of books - Her Books - all over the place. She could feel her insides melt. It was a feeling she couldn't explain - they were her books - the ones she had just written - and there she was - Drishti Thakur - looking at her work - in full glory!

She walked down the entrance unnoticed by anyone - it was afternoon and raining - but she sat next to the section which displayed her books and started grinning and crying at the same time. The words she had written were from her life, yet formed a tale untold. She had written in the dedications

For those who can't speak, 
Yet feel. Like me.

4 Dec 2013


There are millions of moments in your life, ever wondered, just how many? And every such moment that passes by, forms a part of your memory. A memory that never rests until you rest forever.

The genius of human mind is indomitable but have we not restricted ourselves to a mere gaining of bookish knowledge, societal confirmation, adopting rigid beliefs and have stopped admiring smaller and simpler things in life?

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I wonder, always, how we wile away our time discussing about other people and expect them to change for us, to accommodate them in what we think is right and wrong. I wonder why we do not give the freedom to others to be as they are? We have to define every relationship - in friendship, in love, committed - and then we bind everybody, hold them liable for breaching the principle on which they first came together. 

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I wonder if we are humans anymore - such emotions - for which we were known to be separate from other beings - have now narrowed down to judgment, hatred, anger and jealousy. Love remains in novels and sappy teenage romances or marriages. What happened to forming platonic relationships - for mere conversations and coffees?

I wonder when a mere gazing at the night sky becomes luxury and spending days thinking are we what we wanted to be or never wanted to be, pondering over life aimlessly? Have we lost that sense of expecting magic and beauty which is scattered all around us? I feel astonished at how obnoxiously we display ourselves - having imbibed Shakespearean analogy of "The World is a stage" quite literally! 

I feel like an observer, a hermit actually, but the sense of wonder remains... in the beating of my heart to the days that come everyday, bringing a sense of relief and little joy. 

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I wonder if one slip is enough to call someone a betrayer or if one kiss is enough to call someone a lover? I see, now-a-days, yes. We are deaf to the stories of the people, we don't see why they are the way they are - because - no body is a saint, I hear. Have you wondered how many excuses we come up with, so that we do not change?

I wonder where the line blurs between when we cease to do things we love - that truly make our spirits soar - and the things people tell us to do as appropriate. May be this is the evolution that Charles Darwin or Einstein had imagined. 

The sense of wonder must not cease within us, the hope must remain - even in pain and death, for the every day that you see the sun, the sense of joy must remain - if alone or in crowd. The wonderment makes life beautiful. 

Blessed Be!