16 Oct 2013

Keep In Touch

From the time that I have gained the ability to use mobile phones and browse internet, I have also learned to escape from what would be ties and relations which are a little too demanding, no actually, let me be honest, have been there for me but I have not done the same. I would not sugar coat by saying that I remain "busy" or "preoccupied" but rather make more of a choice to not stay in touch. I have countable number of people in my life that I am really myself or comfortable with and I take pains to text them or even call them up eventually. But then, there are others, the friends I hang out with or those with whom I have spent good years of my life, I find that somewhere, somehow I skipped being completely myself with them, just so that I could fit in. And once I moved ahead from their lives, I do not make effort to keep in touch. It's not their fault at all, in fact, I would say, it's the quirk in my personality but it has had me thinking, do we really value each others presence in each others' lives as we would like to portray?

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I avoid staying in touch with certain people for they remind me of my insecurities and inadequacies, even if they do not say it outright. Something in the way that we have interacted in past has made me feel the patronizing tone that insidiously creeps in their voices and it still annoys me when someone tells me what should I do or not do or feel, except for my parents or maybe someone whom I explicitly ask for an advice. I have confidantes in my couple of female friends and in male comrades as well, but only two of them, from either the group know the whole thing about my life, because even though I tell my story in bits and parts, I feel I will reveal too much and that would serve as my own grave if in future things don't work out between us. Trust is a big big big thing for me, that I find hard to place in somebody these days. 

We easily jump to conclusions when someone doesn't call or text or inbox us, thinking they no longer care, but have we really become that shallow or dependent on technology to judge whether a person cares or not? I would like to give an example of my two very dear friends - Ni and Si - both have been inspiration of my many stories and I love them to bits. They are the ones whom I have truly been myself with and they are also the ones with whom I don't have to go through the accepted channels to show that I care. With them, if I am unable to talk to them over a continuous period of time, whenever we resume, it is like things have picked up from where we left them. 

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The worst feeling is when people heard you out of sympathy while you were down, they ensure that you pay them back for their time, their precious precious time that they spend listening to you - it means they were there for you. I don't understand why you have to emphatic with million conditions attached? Everything is now based on the fundamental concept of getting even - Quid Pro Quo! It saddens me really, when people state - "I have done so much for him/her, but he/she doesn't even care to stay in touch!" I think we all think ourselves to be victims and self-righteous individuals but we never try to step into the shoes of the person who seemingly appears to be at fault. We expect others to give us space, but hate it when others need it in their own way. It is always easier to judge when you are sitting on an ivory tower but very tough to understand someone else's hardships. 

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I write this only to highlight the fact that subject to the judgments that I have faced, I feel I should not succumb to doing this myself with anybody else. And till now, I have been successful. Do you find it tough to keep in touch too?


Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Relations are such, true altruism doesn't exist, and the friends you presently call best or bestest or any other appellation, the truth is, only a few will stay, who will make an effort for it, and you too. Rest are just friends, who met when the paths met, and we bid them adieu at the bend.

A good reminder!

Blasphemous Aesthete

Wings of Harmony said...

BA: True! Only few remain who chose to make an effort, yes, including me. :) Thank you!

Mirage said...

Such is my case. I too find it hard to keep in touch. I hide in the crowd if I see a familiar face, I avoid acquaintances or sometimes, old friends because I'm too scared to start off a conversation which might end up in an awkward silence.

We meet a lot of people along the way.. make memories with them, both good and bad. Not keeping in touch has nothing to do with not valuing their presence. They served a purpose in our life and that purpose should be appreciated. This is what I do.

Only some special ones are worth the struggle to keep in touch forever. :)

Soumya said...

People who are worth it, make an effort to stay in touch. The other can just take a walk :P

You need to feel like talking to someone, not just because they are in front of you. I actually walk past people I know and don't want to talk to. Maybe that's why people think I'm rude, but I'm at peace as unnecessary talk could lead into something more unnecessary. Instead of that, I'm better of letting people judge me.

Thamanna said...

I can totally relate to this post..I wish people would stop judging if a person cares for you or not by the number of fwds on whatsapp.

Wings of Harmony said...

: Ditto! I believe that everyone we come across, we are meant for a little journey together. Holding onto after that, is really a choice and may only be worth it, if they touch your heart in a certain way. Thank you! :D

@Soumya: Hahaha! :D I know, I have been thought of as mean, selfish as well. I might be! But I don't want them to be in touch with me, cause they never helped me up, only pulled me down!

@Thamanna: I know! It's really becoming a trait now, to judge people without a solid reason! Thank you for the comment! :D

Wings of Harmony said...

Mirage: The "Ditto" comment is for you! :D