3 Oct 2013

Diamonds.


IT'S LIKE YOU'RE SCREAMING AND NO ONE CAN HEAR, 

YOU ALMOST FEEL ASHAMEDTHAT SOMEONE COULD BE THAT IMPORTANT,

THAT WITHOUT THEM, YOU FEEL LIKE NOTHING,
NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH IHURTS, YOU FEEL HOPELESS, LIKE NOTHING CAN SAVE YOU,AND WHEN IT'S OVER, AND IT'S GONE, 

YOU ALMOST WISH THAT YOU COULD HAVE ALL THAT BAD STUFF BACK,
 STHAT YOU COULD HAVE THE GOOD. 

WFOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE.
It is one of those moments, when my life is flashing before my eyes. I could not begin to bear the pain which was developing in my heart, watching his back turned towards me. I slowly enter the bedroom, having no idea how to tell him that there was no way I was trying to bail out on him. It all started out well, but when Aakash's friend asked for my specific assistance in an upcoming project, I wanted to take it up. I had been married to Aakash for three years now and our love was still blossoming over time. I had been very hesitant to show my emotions first, since ours was an arranged marriage - with everybody from friends and families involved. I was essentially a cheerful person, happy and smiling always, but it took me a lot of trust to show my vulnerability to Aakash, who was a strong, determinate person, always ready with a wise decision and a quick mind. I did feel inadequate sometimes, but I also knew, that I balanced him in a lot of ways. I had never confessed my feelings for him, nor had he, but it was always in the small gestures. We never really said it, those three words, never really felt the need to.

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"Aakash?" He does not move, does not respond at all. It breaks my heart.

"Aakash, please look at me?" I move towards him and place my palm on his shoulder, standing towards his right.

"Please go, Niyati." He tells me without looking at me or raising his voice. I don't move and keep looking at him. My heart is beating so fast, that I could feel it in my throat and ears. The silence was killing me. I knew I had not done anything and the entire thing was just a massive miscommunication. I take his silence as a window and start talking.

"Aakash, I know what you heard sounded like I did something. But you have to trust me! Please?" I feel helpless and pathetic, trying to make him believe of my innocence. I mean, what happened to trust, love and everything we shared. I had opened up myself to him and here I was, trying to justify my actions. I was staring at him. His eyes were hard and dead set. Then I notice a tear roll down his eye. I am stunned. Did I really mess up our relationship? I feel myself crumble from within. Then he starts talking.

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"I never thought that you would choose him over me, Niyati! I had been asking you since morning to come on a dinner date with me. It's been ages that we spent time together! I miss your presence in my life! You and your project and that Manish! You have time for every freaking assignment and project that he assigns to you! He calls you at 6 today and you run like a little girl! I know I sound jealous and a possessive freak and I don't want to come between you and your dreams! I just don't like it when you don't seem to care about what I want! I love you God damn it! I don't want to lose you!" He finishes in a rush.


SOMETHINGS, WE DON'T TALK ABOUT, 

RATHER DO WITHOUT,
AND JUST HOLD THE SMILE.
FALLING IN AND OUT OF LOVE,
ASHAMED AND PROUD OF,
TOGETHER ALL THE WHILE.
I listen to him with my eyes wide and tears streaming down. I fall down on my knees, unable to control my tears, watching him feel so much for me, loving me all the while and crying for me. In that moment, I realize how much I loved him. I could not breathe and wished he would hold me.He sat down next to me and held me in his arms. Tightly.
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"I love you too Aakash! You can decide not to trust me, but I...I will never betray you...how could you think about Manish and me like that? I understand I mismanaged my time and got excited about something, but that does not, will never, change my feelings for you!" I sob, with my head on his chest.

"I know and I am sorry." Aakash rests his chin on my head and we stay in each others' arms till the morning light shines through. When I look up into his eyes in the morning, I knew, we had created a bond, that had grown stronger still. The love had stood strong after the test of time. I called up Manish and asked for few days off, which he readily gave me. A new chapter of my life, with Aakash had begun. 

4 comments:

Soumya said...

Hmmm triggers some old memories here. Sigh.

We need to make time for the one we love, no matter what. Its just that simple. Something I'm proud of doing.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Some people walk the straight and narrow - some walk the rocky road
some get the silver spoon and some get the heavy load
there's a man in a paper box he smiles whenever we walk by
we just walk a little faster and say "there but for the crazy of God go I"
But a little love - just a little love - a little love can change it all

~BA

No, I won't expand that acronym, suits me! :D

Wings of Harmony said...

@Soumya: I know...absolutely... *Touchwood* for your love! :) :)

@BA: Ah! Now those are some beautiful lines!! :) Of course, BA suits you! :D

PeeVee™ said...

Have been on a reading-spree, love the way you weave words, as always.