14 Jun 2013

Pumped Up Kicks

The Hand of Fate throws card of Ace,
Duck that move, that punch in your face,

Play your hand, don't move a poker,
Oh, never mind the jibes, he's just the Joker. 

It's your turn now, roll the dice, 
Whatever they do, there is a price.

Losing you may fear, but win you may,
Let me show you the tricks, bare their cards lay.

You're the Queen of Hearts, sharper than the undead,
And I am the Hand of Fate, together we will run them on blade.

Image Source
Inspired from the song Pumped up Kicks by Foster the People. Here's the lyric video.

Thanks to Blogging (However bad at that I might be), I have had a chance to come across people who are real writers (unlike yours' truly wannabe one ;)). I had such an interaction with one wonderful author of the book called If you love someone - Mr. Harimohan Paruvu. He has also written a non-fiction work called "The Men Within" I read IYLS and instantly felt an urge to appreciate what he had written. With every page, I was moved. The book revolves around the life of Meghna and Aditya. It's not your average run of the mill love story. It's more than that. It's real and it represents a very fragile journey of two individuals - from being young to middle aged. The whole reading experience was very good. And therefore I had to tell him, that this was one of the very few Indian Romantic/Contemporary Fiction Novel, that I really liked. Here's the link to his blog: http://harimohanparuvu.blogspot.in/

So I emailed him saying that though I wasn't fan of a romantic fiction genre, his book was absolutely clear and crisp in it's approach. The pleasant thing was that he responded pronto with such honest acceptance that I was glad of emailing him. *I had actually thought I would get an auto generated email.* Then I reviewed the book here which he read and put it up on his Blog here. I told him I had borrowed the book and since it's not available in the market, would it be possible for him to send me a copy.

He got me in touch with his publisher, but I forgot to respond. (Yes, I am an idiot). Mr. Paruvu got back in touch again, checking whether I had received my copy, when I said no, he took my address and I got a personalized autographed book!!! Imagine! It was the brightest moment in the past few cloudy days I had.

Since I have already thanked him, I would like to thank few of you, who know what I have been through, though it might be of seemingly no consequence, the definitions of certain things in my life have changed. Thank You Meoww for always being there. Stuti, Nandini, you both are my stars - I cannot imagine myself surviving through a shitty situation without your words. You three have no idea how valuable you are. I love you. And those, you know who you are, who have been talking to me recently, on FB, THANK YOU. Your wisdom shows me light in the way I feel glad and like a learner. 

9 Jun 2013

Rhythm of Love.

"You really played us well, Leila." The text read.

I stare at the screen for almost over a minute and then compose a reply - my heart hammering.

"What do you mean?" I hit "Send" and wait with bated breath.

In the past few days, I had undergone a lot of sudden changes and I was still trying really hard to cope up with all of it. This text was from a friend - not any more, who thoroughly believed that I did not help her in her upcoming project wantonly. What followed was a series of miscommunication, mud-slinging  and fall outs that I had never imagined in my worst nightmares. I loved these people, whom I had started a business with.

The biggest mistake that I had done was - I mixed Love with Labour.

The combination never works well. I always knew I was more of an organizer kinds, but marvelled at the thought of partnering with someone who was experienced and a successful businessperson. So becoming a CEO for Myra's start up, seemed like a good idea for the time being.

However, I had always wanted to be a writer, so I had informally conveyed to the team that whenever a favourable opportunity will arrive, I will need to leave them. Nothing was on paper. Soon I was given a chance to work on my unpublished novel by the Witheredworld Publishers, who were the best in the town. I conveyed this to my team who were really happy, but in my joy I had ignored the pensive look on Myra's face. My friend. My informal business partner. I didn't talk to her directly about my leaving, but told her I will be there until everything will be final. Next morning, when I was clearing out my files and organizing everything for the office, I heard two of my team mates talking about what Myra had discussed with them previously.

"Myra said Leila lies about being a writer, you know?" One of them spoke, in a hushed undertone.
"Yea? Myra told me she never really received that offer from Weatherworld, she's been bluffing all along." Another one said. I was too shocked to react, my senses auto tuned to hear whatever they were saying.
"It's Witheredworld by the way. My friend recently joined there and she says she doesn't know any Leila."
"Haha, yeah, guess that's what she is. An escapist and unrealistic being! Who would read about love, regrets and all those things - so boring she is!

The topic soon shifted from my professional aspirations to my personal life. It was sick. I felt I needed to confront Myra about the things she was spreading about me. I waited for the co-team members to leave. On my way out, I saw Myra's sister - Niyati, whom I was really close to. She occasionally came to office to help us with organizing meetings. She tried to avert her gaze but it was too late, I held on. Hesitantly, she gave me a sudden tight hug and said, she was sorry for whatever was happening. I wanted to ask more, but she left abruptly, avoiding any scope of conversation. I decided to wait until Myra showed up. When she did, she ignored me and went directly into her cabin. It was like a slap that I wasn't prepared for. I went straight to her cabin and let myself in. She gave me a cold stare. I swallowed all my pride and asked,

"What is happening Myra? Are you not happy about my career break?" I fought back tears. She was a stranger, whom I had never met before. She wasn't my old best friend Myra, my confidante, my partner in crime. I wanted to hold her shoulders and shake her, but I resist.
"Of course I am happy! But you have been really unprofessional, by suddenly leaving us and telling people about it." She snaps at me.
"I didn't tell anybody! You knew about this before hand!" I grope for words, exasperated at the sudden shift in her stance.
"Whatever it is. You did tell somebody. You should have spoken to me first. I was really a fool to trust you Leila. I thought we would work on this project together. I even informed clients that we have you for another year." She looked straight into my eyes and I felt I was knifed.

"I did speak to you! I did not even tell anyone before I told you. What's...?" I stopped halfway as she raised her right palm, cutting me off.

"You have really damaged my reputation in the market. I had promoted it in the hope that you would stick to us. I do not hold any grudges against you, but well, I would have issues if you would ever want to come back to work with us again." I decided there was no point in arguing any more. Whatever I would say, Myra was dead set upon not believing me. I got up, taking in a deep breath, wished her good luck and walked out.

Today, it is the fourth day, since I have left the premises of our, no Myra's company, afraid of all the people, of all the calls I had been getting. I had cried myself to sleep and I was becoming paranoid. Everyone I had spoken or tried to share my thoughts with, had relayed it to Myra. Well, she was the boss. And I was a no body. Her text at 12 AM now, gutted me.

The screen blinked and I gingerly opened the text message.

"You very well know what I mean. Always playing the damsel in distress, aren't you? The world *must* revolve around you. And you damn make sure that it does, don't you Leila? You manipulated my sister. You made me look like the bad guy here. I was a fool to have ever roped you in. Should have known you are always confused. Always played by what everybody wants. Huh. Guess, this is the end for you. Let's see how you play with the dangers of the world outside. Good Luck."

What was this? Where was all of this coming from?

I lie down on my bed, realizing there must be something that I must have done. And then flashed before my eyes, the four client meetings we had held in the last three months. I had convened the meeting and the clients had complimented Myra on her choice, of me as CEO.

"You have such a good CEO Myra! Really makes us want to do business with you!" They had appreciated me. But not her, Myra, who had given me the chance to shine.

I recall another meeting, where Myra was struggling with a client about his products not selling as fast as a rival company. I had chimed in, involuntarily, having researched upon their databases that they must tweak the certain characteristic of their product and see. The results were triumphant. And the clients were happy. I had done all of this, in my naivety, not realizing for a second that I was undermining Myra's competence and stature.

I re-read the text Myra had sent and typed two words.

"Thank you." and send the message.

I lay up all night, staring at the dark night sky turning into slashed feathers of light, breaking in through my window, burning my eyes. This is how blind faith shattered. This was how pain felt, like tiny splinters, tiny needles probing you. I rub my shoulders and let a tear spill. I pick up my phone to check the time and see an unread message waiting. Involuntarily, I shiver but hold on. The text was from Witheredworld Publishers. Oh God. No. I feel faint, but open it anyway.

Such a beautiful song. Peps you up. Give it a listen please.

"Miss Leila, we would like to propose an increase in your royalty amount. It would be great if you could join us tomorrow at 11 AM at The Blue, for an informal lunch and re-assessing the terms of our contract. Our apologies for informing you this late, but we really think you have the potential to do more. Good night."

Oh. This is unexpected.

I feel tiny little fragments of warmth spreading inside me, healing me slowly. It is a new day. A new Leila is going to be born.

You don't need Wings to Fly.

Hi everybody!

MSM needed a makeover and now here we are, with a less darker and more hopeful Blog that resonates with what I feel at this point of time. Last few months were like a massive roller coaster ride and I have never particularly enjoyed them. This time I was propelled forward too fast and too far, well, I didn't even get a chance to throw up. :-P

Why Wings of Harmony?

I was reading a story about a girl, who comes back from dead but with powers of wings - like Wings of Redemption (which would redeem any person whom they embrace), Wings of Purity (which would purify any person who is affected by darkened thoughts) etc. It may seem naive and fantastical to be inspired from a fictional story. Some would say I am escapist, others would scoff at the teenage idea. But what defines a story? They all have a little portion of real life ingrained in them, don't they?

After reading the aforesaid story, I suddenly thought, all we need is to harmonize with situations and circumstances around us. I have fallen down real hard, but I know, no one controls my actions other than I. I know the scars will remain, I know the pain will take time to subside - but I know, with time, I will heal. 

W.O.H. is all about little stories of hope, our journey in life and yes, no regrets. None at all. I hope you will embrace this as you embraced MSM.