1 Jun 2012

A New Beginning

The night is Beautiful. Unholy, Unclothed, Sliding and Shimmering, like a broken ribbon. I watch her unfurl around me as I take in the glorious smoke within my lungs and release it slowly, tainting the night, with my touch of breath. She is pleased and turns gray, like my vision.

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I tug at my collar and pull it up, blocking the cold breeze, that had been victoriously freezing my insides. It's 3 AM and I stand on the pavement lining the bridge, almost fifty feet higher than the flowing expanse of mercurial river below. I take another puff and tap the cigarette ash off. The burning end smolders like  a shimmering ruby as I toss the impotent stub into the air. I don't need it anymore. I need her.
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It has been almost a week that I have heard or seen or felt her. Her eyes, her voice, her fragrance, her laughter - it had infected my heartbeat, my breath and my thoughts. Her skin was smooth and soft like a ripple on the sea. Every curve of her body, every inch of hers - was mine. Her lips - pink, moist and supple,  were like poisonous ivy on my lips - intoxicating and deadly. Skin to skin, heart to heart, soul to soul. We were entwined in harmony and melancholy like Celtic knots. Knots - however tightly tied they are - you'll always find a space, where apparently nothing can reach, but that is the weakness which can rip open the knot.

I was lost in the labyrinth of emotions with her. I was in love. But there is a void in me. A void, which no one could fill, no one could reach to, no one could see, no one could feel - she had touched the void. And now she is tearing me apart. I'd never given much thought to love or being in love. A woman was a woman to me - sometimes I'd objectify her, sometimes I'd worship her, sometimes I'd be her equal, sometimes she'd rule me and sometimes she was just another human being. But She had altered something in my very own idealism. She was the woman to me. Like a spectrum - light scattered into different colors. But when the Light is too Bright, it blinds you and then Darkness is what you see. The day before our lives took a U-turn, I was talking to her. Our conversations were smooth - I loved to hear her talk. There was a restless aura around her, when she spoke. As if, there was so much inside her that she wanted to unburden. I knew she needed someone to listen to her. She was strong and mature and independent to the world, but behind the closed doors, she was insecure, lonely and unloved. I was lucky to have loved her.
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"I never understood love, Parth." She says, her lower lip pouting indignantly, distracting me from the words which were flowing from her mouth.
"There's a need to understand it? You just feel it dude." I say, as I stretch myself on the couch, staring out at the sunset, while she sits close to me, playing with the buttons of my shirt, her fingers just shy of my skin. My heartbeat is uneven.
"Hmmm. But you know, I am so scared. Sometimes, when I think that you will leave me, it hurts me like crazy. It's like physical pain. My stomach starts hurting." She says, her eyes widening in a dreamlike trance, for a brief second. I chuckle at her expression and pull her close to kiss her forehead.
"Aah, but sweetheart, why would I leave you? You're the only one on my mind." I say, trying to even out her frown.
"Yea, but you are always surrounded by women. They love you. They find you charming and so cool. Some of them are so hot! If I were you, I'd have dated someone else." She says, her insecurity and fear, emanating from her in waves, crashing over me like frozen ice. I hug her tightly and say, "Kyrah, I love you. Not them. None of them. I may flirt, be affectionate even, but it's you who I love. Truly, madly, deeply. No woman can even come close to what you are. You've me hooked to you lady." I say. All of it was true. No other woman could hold me so intrigued, so caught up, so much in love with her. Kyrah was different - she was not typically beautiful - but she was beautiful nonetheless - charming. There was a glow on her face - even when she was sad and burdened - which gave her an ethereal look. Her eyes were dark, large and innocent. There was a mystery and twinkle in them which she disguised so carelessly. Her smile was the best - like a child's. She knew it and used it liberally. But, there were so many fears in her heart. So many. She had a rough life and she was lonely - holding on to the void within her, like me. 
The night following the day, she asked me to leave her, to give her a break. Give her some time. I understood. I'd been getting closer to one of my friends, but it wasn't love. However, it was tough to make her understand. She was afraid to lose me and she was battling with her emotions - to be understanding or to be jealous or to be indifferent. She was scared that she would anger me. But life's like this. We think, overthink and assume. Talking feels like a good option, but you ought to be on the same page. And our pages had turned. I'd agreed to the silent phase we both needed. And now, as I recall, I still love her. But she has disappeared. From my life, from my contacts, from my inbox, from my facebook and from my blood. And I've let her go. But she has added to the void, which has expanded and covered my entire heart. Do I tell her, that I really love her? Will she believe me even now, knowing that I still have affections for other women, that I cannot help but love the others too? Will she understand that I love only her? That I've come so far, just to say - I love you.

I watch the sun rise at 6:45 AM. Time to leave. The noises around me were waking up as I hailed a taxi to leave her city forever.

PS: This Linkin Park Song inspired me to write this one here. Also check out the band called A7x (Avenged Seven Fold). They have a brilliant song called Dear God. Below is the lyrics video for you.

 PPS: I will be back with some obvious but fascinating info. My University life has come to an end and I am at cross roads with a lot of things. Taking a break for sometime at hope.

Till the next time people, don't let the spirit of your joy, die. Chop Chop, as George says! Blessed Be!


Rahul said...

What's with the recent spate of people graduating and suddenly groping around for the meaning in their lives?First,Red.Then PV.Now you.:-)
But,I loved the post.:-) Beautiful narration.Awesome job.

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Rahul: Hahahahaa! :D Yea, when you're suddenly on stage and you have forgotten your lines, it's a situation like this. :D I'd been looking for my purpose, even before beginning the graduation, but I am no where close to it! :D PeeVee and Red are buddies and I hope, they will find their ways soon!

PS: Listen to the songs! I loved them! :D Oh, and thank you for liking the post! :D :D Means a lot!
PPS: Oh, and a HUGE THANK YOU for the Award. I am gonna take it us ASAP! :D :D :D

Swarnali said...

Got so many things to say here.
1) I L-O-V-E the way you described the dawn. I read it 5 times (am not exaggerating here). Eliot was the last person I read who described those hours that well (read his Preludes if you can,you'll understand.) You are amazing,woman!! Hats off!!
2) The narrative was pure awesomeness.
3) I love those two songs you mentioned. :)
4) You are watching the Jr. Masterchef too!! Isn't Georgie edible ?? :D
and yes, i missed you like hell. You are back with a bang!!

meoww said...

without an utterance from your lips
i can hear all the unspoken words
the gentle wind from here will make to your abode many trips
and send all my warmth and love and heal all your wounds

i love you mishti
always have
always will

blessed be

tinni said...

nyc read...:))

Raumali Dasgupta said...

Loved the post, so well described, the emotions, I can completely visualise them, and so true and real, reminds me of something, luv ya :) <3

Aditi Ray said...

I loved it to the core..!!
I am here after a long, and the frst post I am reading is urs... and I am intrugued! Touche' !

Confused Soul said...

Mesmerizing.. I loved the way the words just flew out..

I'm amazed and loved this piece to the core.. I could so understand the girl's disposition as well as the guy's felings :)

You should take that break..think things over.. take care..blessed be! :)

subtlescribbler said...

MSM..m back to ur blog and its sad to see that u took a break? :(

But my my! what A beautifully written post. breathless writing. Read it from start to end. You have so maturely and poignantly narrated both the girl and guys feelings. Its a hard job. Loved it :)
hope to see you back soon!


Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Swarnali: :D :D Don't I just LOVE your comment?! :D I'm going to read Eliot now, cause I trust your knolwledge of literature. :D :D Awwww, shucks! *Takes a Bow* :D I'm glad you love those songs - they have been corrupting my thoughts for a while now. And I LOVE Jr. Masterchef! Pierre - I wish he was 25 instead of 12. :P :P :D :D :D

@Meoww: *Hugs Back Tightly* I loved the chant, for I need some cleansing and I am glad you're there with me. I love you too Meoww, Always Have, Always Will. :* :D <3 Blessed be!!

@tinni: Thank youuu! :) :) :)

@Raumali: :D Thank You. So much! :D Love ya too, girl! :D :D <3 Reminds me as well, of so many things. :*

@Aditi: :D I feel elated, that you read my post first, gives me a sense of belonging :D :D Thank you, my lady! :D ^_^

@Confused Soul: I've missed you. :D Thank you...I thought I could never write like the guy - but your post on Neeli inspired me as well...to be honest... so Hats Off to you! :D :D Hmmm...I'm in a break... let's see where life takes me :) :)

@Sarah: Oh No baby! I'm just on a break academically...and well, otherwise too... As in not doing anything currently, but won't stop writing. :D :D Thank you Thank you! :D :D <3 Love you, lady! :) :D Blessed Be!

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Will you listen to my story
It'll just be a minute
How can I explain
Whatever happened here never meant to hurt you
How can I cause you so much pain
When I say I'm sorry
Will you believe me
Listen to my story
Say you won't leave me
When I say I'm sorry
Can you forgive me
When I say I will always be there
Will you believe, will you believe in me
All the words that I come up with
They're like gasoline on flames
There's no excuse, no explanation

~Chris Daughtry


Blasphemous Aesthete

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@BA: *Applauds* Aptly Put. Appreciated. :D I actually loved this. :D :D :)