27 Mar 2012

Silent Noises...

Blessed Be My Beloved People! 

If you have read me from the beginning, you must know that most of my so-called-poems are written in to the depths of nights. So, here's another one, which was inspired by this another poem I'd once read in school where a Princess, who has been trapped in a tower, watches and waits in there, only to hear her beloved going away on a horse. He is a Knight in the King's Army. I think one of them later dies. It's a tragic love story but somehow last night, the scene of the tied Princess kept running in my mind. So here's the poem...that I wrote last night. Lemme know what you think! :)

Blank, my mind, numb my heart,
Cheated my soul, from where do I start?
Overrated, underestimated, the past I clinged on to,
Never existed, it already faded.
My eyes couldn’t see beyond the dark haven,
Artificial darkness we say, feels like heaven.
False identity, mistaken sanctity,
I was untouched by the caress of fatal velocity,
Love and desire, lust like fire,
You take me, higher and higher.
Would you make me fall?
And I’ll lose it all.
Perfectly imperfect, I pirouette,
In your arms, ignore the one,
That hidden silhouette.
I watch with my eyes closed, I feel with my body tied,
You love me, will love me, must my fears subside.
But feelings are fleeting and so is our bond,
Foundation we lay, on unseen significant song,
Promise me, you’ll always be that Knight with the sword,
Who walked into the night with his lover’s voice  unheard,
But in his heart she bled his name, King had betrayed him for fame,
He shot her for she would have been miserable,
His love for her was chaste and eternal.
I question your being, I question your existence,
My resistance is no more of importance,
I lay bare before you, so you can make a choice,
Trample me like the shattered mirror,
Or heal me, together we rejoice.

Image Source: mayorofawesometown.tumblr.com
Till then people, look around into the Night and the Mysteries will unfurl themselves before you... Much love. Blessed Be.

25 Mar 2012

Step Two, With You.

Blessed be my Mystical Fellas!

A Huge Blessing and Thank you to everyone who has supported me after the last post, physically or in Spirit. I owe you, lovely people. :) I am overwhelmed by the love I manage to gather from you all, even though I don't feel that I keep up even. *Hugs* to each and everyone of you. *Psst: Anyone noticed the mush increasing in me, or is it just my bitchy conscience telling me to tone it down a bit??*

Mushy Stuff: Image source: fineartamerica.com
Nevermind that. After a long contemplation (Okay, I'm lying. I think as I write) today's post is more related to the person I am in this world and what I do, rather what I actually am and love to do. Confused? So am I. 

Image Source: danscartoons.com
My Law School has come to an end. Finally. Sadly. Fortunately. Abruptly. 5 Long Years. Ain't a joke, fellas, is it? Few people would agree with me. Yesterday it was the last class of the last semester. Some bonds which were formed took sudden priority. Who says women cannot be friends? I found my guide, my savior, my love, my woman in Stuti. I have to take her name, for she has always been a discreet presence in my life, watching my back, supporting me, holding my hand in darkness and loving me, with all the chinks and cracks in my armor. I've always been very, what do you say, floating in  my demeanor, I touch everything but don't linger. This, is mostly with all my relations. Very very few people, thus, are able to hold on to me, and eventually I stick. 

Image Source: claytonsmalley.com
With her, I realized what friendship Unconditional Friendship meant. From the Orientation Day of us, the would-be-lawyers till yesterday to Oh-God-let-us-pass, she has been constant. Our conversations are never incessant chatters. They are silent, peaceful, contemplative and soothing. She is calm. And when she is not, I am. We balance. My love for coffee and her love for mystery intermingle. She has taught me things about life. How age doesn't really matter, when you live life in every moment, when you gather knowledge, every single second. She is a perfect example. Every morning, the first person I look out for, sorry, used to look out for, has been her. Her smile. And that warm hug. When troubles used to bother me, push me under, she used to just know. Never, I remember, I had to tell her, that Stuti, blah blah blah, my life sucks. She would just ask me, "Are you okay?" She once said that I put up a great act of being strong and she was proud of me (with respect to Mom). She has always supported me, she is my best critique and best fan. She appreciates me when I need it and is honest with me, when I know she should be. Speechless conversations - they are the best foundations you can lay, for speech, burns the energy you could have saved for doing something better.

Image Source: flickriver.com
I remember one incident. We were in out 3rd Semester and we had formed our own groups. We used to sit together but then we changed places. We had nothing against each other, we were still the friends we always were...hanging out later and all that. But our faculty members noticed. The teachers wondered whether we had issues, for we were almost joined by the hip. I was called to the Counselor and so was she. I remember, both of us looked at the Panel of teachers incredulously and burst out laughing. They were so...naive(?). Stuti told them that everything was all right between us and that we were as happy as we were before. We still remember it and laugh. 

Yesterday, I had no guts to look at her. There was a knot in my chest and a lump in my throat, I never thought, would resurface. But it did. When everyone left the class after the final bell, we were alone. I told her I don't want to look at you. But then, she hovered and I ran and hugged her. And the dam of tears broke. Even then, her eyes were filled, she was trying her best not to cry while I bawled my eyes out on her shoulders. I love her. I absolutely love her. She is the friend, I believe. the word friendship is made for. *Touchwood* We are beyond the trivialities and unnecessary expectations that mundane world imposes. And God, please kick me in the gut if I hurt her. Being the incorrigible Freak and Creep Magnet, I am also this sometimes selfish, sometimes indifferent person. I don't want her to be subjected to my shortcomings. And you know, she doesn't. If we have spoken 10 days back, we would start off at the same note. Her presence makes me happy. Her voice, her calmness, grounds me. She is someone, anyone would be extremely lucky to have in their lives. 

Image source: cepolina.com
And those bloody people, who have tried to break her heart, ek ek se badla lungi! Huh. No one hurts the one I love. So, yeah. End of Law School and beginning of being a lawyer in few days. Life is interesting. And you thought, amusement parks were more fun? Who are you kidding? :D

Till the next time, my Beloveds, Learn and Grow, Life is too short for Grief and Sorrow! Blessed be! :)

PS: Never thought I'd be writing about it, but right now, she is running in my head. *Grins*
PPS: If anyone can give me employment, please tell me, for I am definitely not getting placed.  *Pretty Please?*

18 Mar 2012

Frosted Hearts and Melted Minds

Hia Everyone! Blessed Be! Long time No see? *Guilty Grin* 

So, umm, you guys still reading me? I guess not. I have practically killed my Blog. Haven't I?

But no blame game happening here! I'm going to be back with some fascinating info. But more of that for later. I was practically invisible, for 2012 has been like a Massive Roller Coaster. Some unexpected happy events happened but a LOT of expected disasters happened too! Oh but wait, they weren't exactly disasters. I learnt a lot and a lot of my fears have now turned to ashes. And yes, I am blabbering right now, because it's been a while that I've written something.

Image Source: morelco.net
First I thought I'll not talk about this. You know, it feels like I am whining. But since I've already started, let me vent it all out. You can choose not to read my rant or just be with me till the end.

January, I was late for the last semester of my Law School. It had been a few days when on 24th January, my father revealed to me a news I was aware of, but was not expecting. My mother had been diagnosed with IInd Grade Carcinoma of the Oral Cavity. In simple terms, she had oral cancer. Now, how much ever you try to be calm and rational, this word gets to you. Cancer. My father called me up. Texted me the detailed report and suddenly, being strong felt like a burden I didn't want to carry. I wasn't ready. We never are, even when life keeps throwing signs at our face, we never are.
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So on 28th January, I rushed back home. At 10 in the night of 29th Jan, I was at the gates of the Cancer Hospital. Seeing my mother waiting for me took immense courage to not burst out crying. She was smiling. I was smiling. And we both could see the fragility of the moment. I hugged her, lest I spoil everything. I continued my brainless chatter and came home. Cold. Lonely. Scared. On 30th, she had her surgery. Now my mother was being strong until the stretcher came to take her. Then she cried. Cried, Cried and Cried. My brother and I were with her till she was unconscious and was wheeled away into the OT. The surgery went on for 5 hours. Her tumor was larger than anticipated. Then they shifted her to ICU. So, well, I cried finally. That the ordeal was over. I didn't go to hospital till she was there. I would do everything needed of me but not stay in there for more than an hour. I am coward that way. She came back home and I came back to my routine life. But I also came with a very valuable lesson.
Image Source: Ilardo.com
It's so easy to tell someone we love them, but do we realize, how less often we say it to the ones who really matter? I somehow have gotten closed in within myself. There's a child in me that has gotten really scared. Really frightened to lose the ones I love. I have always feared it, we all are scared, aren't we? But I know now I am more scared to create bonds, lest I disrespect them, I don't keep up with them. I don't show enough. I am not expressive enough. And this has made me push people away. How do I be more open? How do I say I love you like it's as simple as breathing. I rely on feelings. And I believe if you know me, you'd know I love you. And when my mother said, "I know you never show it, but I know you love me the most." I couldn't stop myself from giving her a watery grin. She is my mother after all.

This was a very impersonal piece and I don't know if I should have written this in the first place. But now that I've written this, I feel better.So, that happened with my mother. We are still going through this, but now we have admitted to ourselves, that this is a part of life and we will just stand by her. She is amazing that way, you know, doesn't show how freaked out she was. And I am proud to be her daughter.

In the list of good things that happened - there is one that has shown life to me in a different light. The effect is that I am letting go a lot of my inhibitions. And insecurities. I hope to cherish this one experience like I have done with nothing before. And I hope, I don't live up to my reputation of being a Temptress and Enchantress of Words/Worlds which exist in my head - may be or may be not. Okay, you see, I am losing the string of the conversation.
Image Source:desgnzzz.com
I have been researching on few things. Seeing my past posts, where I've almost left all the stories incomplete, I need to start afresh. If you could drop in some suggestions, I would be really glad. Be with me. Okay?

Blessed Be My Dears! Till the next time, keep an eye open for the extraordinary and the other for little simple things which we ignore. Hmm? Promise me this.

PS: No words of sympathy please. Just Be With Me. :D
PPS: WELCOME to the 100th Follower Kajal. Thank you! And welcome here! :D