11 Feb 2012

Being In Love With An Angel


Valentines' Day is just a few days from now and I see everything pink and rosy, all around. Being an insane romantic, I somehow dislike this, this whole concept. But, let me stop right here. You’d have anyway read or heard about what everyone thinks or feels about the day of love. I thought over this, last Valentines' Day, I had spoken about Soul Mates. What I feel about the whole theory. This time, I want to dedicate this to everyone who is in love – with themselves or with fellow humans - and to my Maa.

Image Source: lightworkers.org
I feel this word is overrated. Love that is. Given the connotations it carries, I could be in love with so many people at the moment, I’d might as well call myself polygamous/amorous/multi-sexual (if such word exists) etc. But over the years I’ve seen so many connections people forge, unexplainable, symbiotic and such, why not celebrate all of them. Why does everything need to have a definitive answer? Why can’t we fall in love in a moment? Why can’t we love more than one person? People die and live in a moment, so why can we not fall in love with someone we may have never met, touched or seen? Why are we so afraid to love? Because we humans have a tendency to form a comfort zone, a sand box, living in which after some time, we fear to venture out. I am one of these and sometimes I regret having formed a comfort zone. I am so used to being alone, that love, this feeling of new feelings freaks me out. Once I believe someone loves me (we are referring here to men strictly), I panic and get into my comfort zone of being cold and bitchy. It’s easier to push someone away than to let someone demolish your walls with – love.

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Love has changed its form now. Moving from Barbaric to Gothic to Amorous to Platonic to Cryptic to Public, more laced with lust – that and many others. Many of which you or I, don’t know. Haven’t we, most of us, at some point, felt immense protectiveness towards someone, yet, we know, it’s not love. What is it? This love – a feeling to spend all your moments with the other person; a yearning to see or hear them, when they are far away; to fill the void, the loneliness we all come to love at some point and yet, when he or she walks in, in your dream world or in reality, you feel like you are complete – completion, you feel secure, in that moment. I don’t believe in keeping stakes in future. We make future and if we really want something, really wish it, we work towards it. Don’t we? I have simply given up on people who have even mentioned the word “Love” for me, before me. This year I've resolved to change that. I will give chance to love, once more.  I wait for that moment. Let’s see.

I digress. The point of this post was to tell certain people, how much they mean to me. This one is specifically for my mother. I'd have continued my story of our Daemon Kira, but then, ideas need focus which I don't have right now, for my attention is all on the person, who is the source of my existence. Why am I writing this? About her or for her anyway? Because some how, I suck at saying things. Especially when it comes to showing how much I love someone. I find it tough to speak than to write. Silence does the job, but you just need to interpret it. And that is never easy.

So, in this season of love, may Love shine bright and rosy, on my Mother. And my dears, please, give love, as much as you can, to people, you have taken for granted. Life is too short to hold on to grudges. You have a person in your life one minute, the next minute, he or she might be gone. Only regrets remain. And they are the worst burden to carry. Here's to my Mother, who has fought million battles...and now needs just love, to lead her to victory...

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Maa, you are the sole reason, I've come to accept myself, the way I am. You are the sole reason, I'm here, alive and writing this, for you. Dad teaches me to keep my chin high. But you, you have taught me to stand up, even when I am broken, all alone. When keeping my chin or spirits high, had become impossible. You have taught me to smile and cherish those rare tears, even when I am bruised, even when my tears cease to flow, for the pain is so immense, it makes me numb... Maa, I smile today, for you. I stand, without flinching, facing the biggest losses and battles, smiling, with courage, because I know...at the end of the day, if I come scarred, bruised and broken, even with my character falling apart, you'll have your arms wide open for me...

Today, I want to tell you, no matter how the days end...how dark the nights turn out to be, I'll love you. You know, how much I've fought with you, still do, even when you lay there, white and pale...that you love bhai, more than you love me...you said yes, you do...but then you had a smile in your eyes and a proud glint in your eyes, when you saw me in your place. Maa, I kid, I know you love me, but let's keep our tiffs going. I love the way you become charged up. Don't back down Maa...you have come this far...let's make it to the finish line together....I'll not leave you. No matter what happens, how you look...what you become...you will, always be...My Maa. 

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People have claimed they love me, but the truest, purest and strongest love, has been yours'. Why I was shunned by the world...you understood. You still do. And you must know, I understand your fears...I promise you...No one stops loving whom they truly love, ever. Maa, how can you think, a minor change, will change our love for you? Don't...and yes, I won't cry, for you. Happy Valentines Day Maa...No, I am still single and N is not my girlfriend. :) 

PS: Someday we all realize, we don't have time left, to love. To tell people, we love them... and that's when we must do it...it's never too late, to start loving and stop fighting... May Cupid strikes the right bow...and we all find our completion, in some way or the other... Blessed Be!!

19 comments:

Atrocious Scribblings said...

Made a lot of sense to me - the whole post.

Telling our near and dear one's that they are loved and cared for is crucial these days especially in the kind of uncertainty ridden world of ours.

Cheers :)

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Atrocious Scriblings: Thank you! Yes, the whole idea of being lovey dovey, only with your sweetheart...bullcrap. Uncertainty ridden world...great choice of words...when bolts fall on you out of the blue, it's never too late to say, "I love you" :)

Cheers to you too!

Paanipuri Lover said...

Pradeeta, this was the cutest thing ever! I could actually imagine every line standing true in real life! These are not just thoughts, but small realities we live in. And yeah, we can be in love with two people at the same time, can't we?! ;)
And the paragraphs where you wrote about your mom, every girl knows its true. We all fight with our moms, yet they are the only one who can handle our worst fears! :)
Loved it! Take care! :)

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Khushu: Thank you Sweetheart! :D We can be in love with two people...we can ;) *We need to talk. :P*

I knowww...the best feeling is acceptance, which no one can give better than a mother. :) Blessed be! And take care you too! :) :D

Bhargavi Kashyap said...

Pradeeta, who wrote my mind, my heart, almost everything i think about =)
Amazing =)

Paanipuri Lover said...

Eesh! This has to be pathetic man! We're discussing the chances of being in love with multiple people, while half the junta says 'ek main aur ek tu'....! Something is majorly wrong with our minds! :P

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Bhargavi: :D We need to meet. High time, you know, that we talk our minds out too :D :D

@Khushu: Love, this has to be wicked! Why be mainstream always? :D Something is majorly sexy and witchy with our minds.... :D ;)

Paanipuri Lover said...

LOL! For the first time I see a wicked streak, Pradeeta!
Its like a different you! Something I've never seen, never known! :P

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Khushu: That is why I said, we need to talk! :D :D

Paanipuri Lover said...

Did my comment just vanish??? :|
But anyway, I like this Pradeeta, being THIS witchy! :P
And I never knew you had this side! ;)
*high 5* :D

meoww said...

*hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss*
ohhhhhhhhh mishtiiiiiiiii
i wish i could hug you and never ever let you go....
you know i love you..
always have..always will...
and i know Maa is a fighter...:):):)
may THE Goddess bless you my lady...
cheers!!

Keirthana said...

Such a heart touching post! I love your stand on love. Ready to give, over-flowing with affection. Your mom must be very proud of you and I am sure she is :) Lovely and beautiful!

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Khushu: :D Honey, I've a side that you never knew never knew. :D ;) *high 5*

@Meoww: *Tight Hug* I miss you! I bloody miss you so much. I wish you could hug me. I so bloody need it. I know you love me...I love you tooo, me leaving for Bangalore. Vl text you once I reach. May the Goddess be with us. Blessed Be!! :*

@Keirthana: You do agree with my stand?? It means a lot to me. Really. Because, we humans have grown up in boundaries, made by ourselves. Maa...I learnt loving from her :D :D :D Thank you!! :D Oh and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to you! :D

The Solitary Writer said...

Loved it!! Life is too short. Reminds me of one dialogue in some movie... Stop quarrels,fights..make friends and spread love...i come here after many days and everytime i come here there is something special. Thoughtful and brilliant. Happy V day to you :)

maithili said...

Awww *hugs*.. This post just shows the emotional state you are in and your strength to stand up to them. Life is short, perhaps to short to keep thinking who to love!
All my prayers with you and Maa. :)

Confused Soul said...

How can someone be so beautiful from the inside?
You say you suck at expressing things, clearly you do a great job.
Your words take me to a different place. A place where I see peace, joy and love. A place which keeps me away from fears and is filled with optimism.

The words for your Mom are wonderful. I wish I could say the same. Love in its purest form is visible and the love you have for her is magical. *touchwood* .. And I'm sure you'll will make it through. A proud mother she is and a wonderful daughter you are. This might sound cliched and weird, but really, share some love with me.

And open your gates of love. You have it in you, just believe. You know you on't falter. You may trip, you may be hurt, but in the end, you will survive. *Hugs* :)

Confused Soul said...

Oh and you've been awarded on my blog :)

Happy Valentine's love ♥

Suruchi said...

This is such an amazing write up and let me admit not something I expected from my nice gal next door Pradeeta:-)
like saying we could be in love with more than one person....I thought it was just me with these weird notions:-)
I loved your take on love-fresh, challenging n practical...also the fact that you are being open to accepting it...there is nothing better in life than to love and be loved...

also how effortlessly there was a transition from love as we see to love for mum...wonderful:-)

Sarah said...

Mothers are so dear to us.. and if you tell them that, you'll see something in their eyes.. She won't say anything but you'll know, to her everything of yours is million times dearer to her than she'd ever say :)