Valentines' Day is just a few days from now and I see everything pink and rosy, all around. Being an insane romantic, I somehow dislike this, this whole concept. But, let me stop right here. You’d have anyway read or heard about what everyone thinks or feels about the day of love. I thought over this, last Valentines' Day, I had spoken about Soul Mates. What I feel about the whole theory. This time, I want to dedicate this to everyone who is in love – with themselves or with fellow humans - and to my Maa.
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I feel this word is overrated. Love that is. Given the connotations it carries, I could be in love with so many people at the moment, I’d might as well call myself polygamous/amorous/multi-sexual (if such word exists) etc. But over the years I’ve seen so many connections people forge, unexplainable, symbiotic and such, why not celebrate all of them. Why does everything need to have a definitive answer? Why can’t we fall in love in a moment? Why can’t we love more than one person? People die and live in a moment, so why can we not fall in love with someone we may have never met, touched or seen? Why are we so afraid to love? Because we humans have a tendency to form a comfort zone, a sand box, living in which after some time, we fear to venture out. I am one of these and sometimes I regret having formed a comfort zone. I am so used to being alone, that love, this feeling of new feelings freaks me out. Once I believe someone loves me (we are referring here to men strictly), I panic and get into my comfort zone of being cold and bitchy. It’s easier to push someone away than to let someone demolish your walls with – love.
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Love has changed its form now. Moving from Barbaric to Gothic to Amorous to Platonic to Cryptic to Public, more laced with lust – that and many others. Many of which you or I, don’t know. Haven’t we, most of us, at some point, felt immense protectiveness towards someone, yet, we know, it’s not love. What is it? This love – a feeling to spend all your moments with the other person; a yearning to see or hear them, when they are far away; to fill the void, the loneliness we all come to love at some point and yet, when he or she walks in, in your dream world or in reality, you feel like you are complete – completion, you feel secure, in that moment. I don’t believe in keeping stakes in future. We make future and if we really want something, really wish it, we work towards it. Don’t we? I have simply given up on people who have even mentioned the word “Love” for me, before me. This year I've resolved to change that. I will give chance to love, once more. I wait for that moment. Let’s see.
I digress. The point of this post was to tell certain people, how much they mean to me. This one is specifically for my mother. I'd have continued my story of our Daemon Kira, but then, ideas need focus which I don't have right now, for my attention is all on the person, who is the source of my existence. Why am I writing this? About her or for her anyway? Because some how, I suck at saying things. Especially when it comes to showing how much I love someone. I find it tough to speak than to write. Silence does the job, but you just need to interpret it. And that is never easy.
So, in this season of love, may Love shine bright and rosy, on my Mother. And my dears, please, give love, as much as you can, to people, you have taken for granted. Life is too short to hold on to grudges. You have a person in your life one minute, the next minute, he or she might be gone. Only regrets remain. And they are the worst burden to carry. Here's to my Mother, who has fought million battles...and now needs just love, to lead her to victory...
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Maa, you are the sole reason, I've come to accept myself, the way I am. You are the sole reason, I'm here, alive and writing this, for you. Dad teaches me to keep my chin high. But you, you have taught me to stand up, even when I am broken, all alone. When keeping my chin or spirits high, had become impossible. You have taught me to smile and cherish those rare tears, even when I am bruised, even when my tears cease to flow, for the pain is so immense, it makes me numb... Maa, I smile today, for you. I stand, without flinching, facing the biggest losses and battles, smiling, with courage, because I know...at the end of the day, if I come scarred, bruised and broken, even with my character falling apart, you'll have your arms wide open for me...
Today, I want to tell you, no matter how the days end...how dark the nights turn out to be, I'll love you. You know, how much I've fought with you, still do, even when you lay there, white and pale...that you love bhai, more than you love me...you said yes, you do...but then you had a smile in your eyes and a proud glint in your eyes, when you saw me in your place. Maa, I kid, I know you love me, but let's keep our tiffs going. I love the way you become charged up. Don't back down Maa...you have come this far...let's make it to the finish line together....I'll not leave you. No matter what happens, how you look...what you become...you will, always be...My Maa.
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People have claimed they love me, but the truest, purest and strongest love, has been yours'. Why I was shunned by the world...you understood. You still do. And you must know, I understand your fears...I promise you...No one stops loving whom they truly love, ever. Maa, how can you think, a minor change, will change our love for you? Don't...and yes, I won't cry, for you. Happy Valentines Day Maa...No, I am still single and N is not my girlfriend. :)
PS: Someday we all realize, we don't have time left, to love. To tell people, we love them... and that's when we must do it...it's never too late, to start loving and stop fighting... May Cupid strikes the right bow...and we all find our completion, in some way or the other... Blessed Be!!