31 Dec 2011

Pages Turn

Pages Turn, Leaves Fall,
Seasons change, so we all,
Sitting on my desk, I hear the night call,
Bidding my time away, new time, new year enthralls.
Memories of bygone must be bygone,
On us, new light has shone,
January passed before with fervor, nevermore lone,
February held my hand, misfortunes postponed.
March was cinnamon, memories dusted and clean,
April brought Spring Air, embraced I was by strength of steel,
May was sabotaging, with results fascinating, my eyes gleam.
June and July, months where lessons learnt,
Touched twice, Once Burnt,
In the Darkest of Times, the Ray of Victory and Hope is the Brightest.
Image Source: godzdogz.op.org
Found my soul, over was the hunt,
And yet turning tables was August,
Rains poured over me, cold in September,
Clouds gray hovered, forever, I’ll remember,
But counting pain, becomes a mere number,
Promising a warm embrace, came around my friend October.
November made oblivion my haven, Time was dark like the wings of Raven,
Truths ugly revealed, my old wounds healed,
Kinks stubborn were made even,
In my heart, I found my heaven,
 December was cold, cold like Death,
But wasn’t death end of one and start of new breath?
And beginning of promising smiles,
Embracing tonight whatever may come,
Twelfth Stranger shall be my friend unbeknownst,
MSM wishes my stars, it for you all be the happiest.

Blessed Be My Beloved Bloggers and Readers....I wish I could summarize 2011 better.... I am as curious for 2012 to unfold as everyone else....who knows? Love may knock my doors...A call awaited from the Office may turn up or may be I will just witness the unwitnessed? It's hopes and hopes we must breathe...for new year is the time to renew your strengths, embrace your weaknesses and believe in who you are. Much much love to all of you. Be the same. Always. 

16 Dec 2011

All I need...

Blessed Be Lovely People!

I leave today, for a journey, which may have a varied end. I am anxious and excited. And hence, for this next week, I give you all, the hope to survive and believe, that in the Darkest of times, we are given the ability to Shine through, fight through, sailing on the wave of Love. Never give up, on yourself, for Someone hasn't. Your soul hasn't. Your heart may be charred, but don't let your Spirit die. Be yourself. Embrace yourself. Let yourself free. Fly high, touch the Sky. Let the Magic touch your lives. Mystical Skeptical Me, Blesses you all....I wish that Light touches your life, Hope and Happiness covers you, Sadness, Remorse you never see, so I mote it be.
Image Source: pxleyes.com
The Post below is a short journey covered in a life, that seems short, but really isn't. Hope rings true in the end, to show you, Miracles do happen. 

"Are you really sure...that you believe me?
When others say I lie...
I wonder if you could...ever despise me,
when you know I really tried...
To be a better one to satisfy you, 
For you're everything to me.
And I'll do what you ask me,
If you let me be free..."
Image Source: flickr.com
Life Part 1: Was everything always so nice and glittery??? She had just been proposed to by this dark, handsome guy from her class. She had said no, but had basked in the after glow. Is this how love feels? Nah, wasn't love like they used to show in the movies? She will tell her best friend about it! Yep. That would be nice! Oh, yes! This definitely was love. Later she would know, how juvenile she was. How childish her fantasies used to be...Life was much simpler before, when nothing from a man meant nothing...
Image Source: weheartit.com
Life Part 2: He died. The friend who was her partner in crime. He died. And then she knew, the raw agonizing pain that she felt, stemmed from love. Not the superficial types or proposals or short-lived crushes. In that moment, she had loved him...and he died. Would she recover? What was love? Her father didn't love her. Why would he then treat her like a pest? But may be, he loved her so much that he had forgotten that love could kill too...love could suffocate and push to the extremes too...may be this was love. Pain. Love. Same Difference.

Ah! Bullshit. How easy it is to rely on Statistics for Answers?
Image Source: weheartit.com
Life Part 3: Anger. Darkness. Loneliness. Cold. He was all of this. And she fell in love with him. For real. It made her go weak kneed, dizzy and her heart would leap at his sight. The adrenaline rush, the huge urge to protect him, show him the light...yes. Suffering was love too. Yes, for those who knew, it was. She was growing, changing, hurting and learning. Not all you want is yours'. Not whom you love can be yours' always...The loved buried deep in her heart fizzled and died after 4 years...Friends now, they were mere friends. But wasn't friendship love too? Love is Friendship. Then may be, they weren't friends either...
Image Source: weheartit.com
Life Part 4: Broken. Yes. Battered was the word she liked to associate herself with. But, self pity is the worst form of self degradation. Love yourself and you will be loved. Her Counselor told her. But how, her past was catching up with her...haunting her, twisting the concept of love for her. The Bloodied childhood memories, the unrequited love and the never ending cycle of Broken Hearts and Broken Promises. Stronger, she was becoming a woman of steel, who seem to know a lot about herself...yes, she was Dark, Loved not Cherished, Held but not Appreciated...Oh, the Monstrous Insecurities. Desires laced Love now. Primal Emotions. Merciless Tramping of Innocent hearts. She was Herself now. She Loved her. 
Image Source: sodahead.com
Life Part 5: Soul Mate. Oh what a stupid term. Where had she heard it anyway? You are my Soul Mate. Her heart spoke to him. She warned him, of her Darkness. Of her Trust Issues, Insecurities and the Pain. He brushed them away. He was confident. She was a vixen though. She lured him in and pushed him away...far far away....so far, there was no point of return. No Guilt could reverse what had been set in motion. Hatred. Hatred was a form of love too. She Hated Him, did she ever Love him?
Image Source: visualphotos.com
Life Part 6: Bottomless Pit. She lay there. Basest of Human Emotions, Passion, Desire and Calls of Primal Need was what she lived for now. Love was Physical. Love was not Spiritual. Or may be, Physical Love made way for the Spiritual Love. Bullshit. No divine Love could satiate her as the red hot fire could. Yes. Touch was Love. Fire was Love. No emotions. No attachments. Love? Nothing of the sort existed ever. She could love never. The proximity scared her, of feelings, of kind words, of emotions that connected people, were her nemesis. Love was a deadly Enemy.
Image Source: flickriver.com
Life Part 7: Fate has now set things in motion. She has found closure. A Ghost from the Past still hovers, but she is shining. Healed. Rejoiced. Renewed and Haunted no more, she awaits for herself. A chance. Second Chance. To begin from the Beginning. To move with the faith she now has. She will find love. Yes. For there's enough for everyone. No one can be left Loveless. She will ensure that. Love is Hope. Love is New. Love is Being yourself. Love is Loving Who You Are... 
Image Source: sun-nation.org
She looked at the Man who stood at her doorstep. Lost in the world, that watches only the exterior, she saw his other side. The fractured spirit, the flame in his eyes and the mind which spun a million thoughts...She admitted him, into her life. For now, she was the Healer, the Protector, the Friend and the Lover... He was now in her Light, where Darkness seeped and disappeared into...She had found her Nirvana. 

PS: Ultra Philosophical Post. I wish I could make it simpler, but the beauty what I felt while I wrote this, couldn't be compromised. Thank you for Bearing with me. I have NO IDEA what made me write this. Absolutely no idea. Oh, and the lines are from the movie "Once" and the song is "If you want me"
PPS: After 8 years, going back to the place, where modernity hasn't placed itself yet, I am afraid. I hope I love it.
PPPS: I will miss you all and I promise to get some stories for you all. Mystical and Skeptical, both. Also, Anuranjani, the effervescent girl who wrote at "To Hell With A Name" has completed her time on Earth...I hope she is at peace in the Other Plane where relations and promises made to her are not broken. R.I.P. Anu...you were right, names don't matter...people do. My tears, heart and wishes are with you. You will be Missed. Blessed Be!

7 Dec 2011

Release Me

Blessed Be Everyone!

And you would think life comes to a stand still when you have examinations.*Sigh* My life never fails to surprise me. And sometimes I feel like Oh God! What now? So, yesterday was one such day, when I let a trivial matter get to me. Yes. I have a tough time learning that sometimes I need to be really selfish to survive. And that trust is a word which should be deleted from the dictionary of mankind all together. Anyway, I cannot crib for long you know...so I would rather write. Which I did. *Smug* Saves a lot of energy. ;) I have environmental law paper tomorrow but this was more important. Here's my bittersweet anger...which cuts clean and makes you dream if you want more.  
Image Source: weheartit.com
Breathe me and release me…
I won’t flow in your veins anymore.
Hold me in your hands…
And push me away.
I let you take me…take me with you,
To a place where dreams die.
I burnt…burnt and hurt for you,
You cut me, put me down…
I loved you, loved you till the end.
End was near, lost in you, who am I?
I don’t know anymore.
You are mine, am I yours’?
Or am I merely kissing your feet?
Image Source: weheartit.com
One day you will forget me,
Like I never met you, never touched you.
I will fawn at you. Yes, I am your darling,
And one sweet day, loving me you will regret…
That night beloved love of mine, with longing, is met…
When I will breathe you and release you.

Image Source: Google Images
So, well, made me smile, this one here. I wish those who are meant for this could read it. It would have been Nice. *Evil Smile* Or may be, they won't get it. They are still newborns in this life.Really. 

6 Dec 2011

Like You, Like Me

Blessed Be My Mystical Fellas...

No, I am not back yet...but this one is from my heart. Something which I need to admit, need to acknowledge, lest I miss the beauty of what I have found...in the recesses of my preoccupied mind and soul.

Being a curious person by nature, I have always been on a look out for something extra ordinary, something which we don't generally perceive as different, yet it is. But my researches, readings, findings have all been superficial in nature. When I have tried to go deeper, I have only found that I am left with no answers, nothing to speak of, only to believe, take in and keep it safe in my heart. Yet, as I said, they are superficial, mundane and short lived in nature. Same applies when it comes to relationships: with other humans - with men, women, society and myself...I find myself withdrawing, I find myself hiding within myself. I find myself becoming conceited,  insecure and needy yet running away. However, below is a story...which has set a course in my life. At the end of it, you may like it or not...because, this one is about ME. Something which may not seem life changing, intriguing or anything different...but for me...I have found a missing puzzle piece.
Image Source: flickr.com
She called out to me. Her words, her emotions, the way she called me "Mishti" meaning "sweet" in Bengali... "Two women can never be friends...they will always find something to dislike in each other. Women hold grudges. Women do not let go off easily..." Despite waiting to hear the same words screaming warnings in my head and my instinct asking me to stop...I responded...to match her words with my words. I could feel what she felt. But aren't feelings vague?? How do you measure feelings? When they disable your thinking, when they rule what you speak...when they begin to push you to bare yourself before that person...before whom you do not have to part your lips to say, "I am alone. I need you. Do you hate me?" That is when you know, you are safe now in those arms.
Image Source: behindinfinity.deviantart.com (The Warmth)
I have spoken to people and as it is presumed, I am mystical so I will believe in things which are weird...inexplicable. Not true. I speak with experience. I talk not, without backing up what I talk of. Which is why I knew I had found my Soul Twin. And for once I am not afraid to say what I say. I wondered how funny it would be to say it out loud...but her presence, her words, our parallel lives and the distance...we have... I said it out loud and realized...it was true. I can fight the world for her. I can stand and look in the mirror and say, " I love her. And no, I am not jealous, envious or competitive. I am affectionate, protective and perceptive of her." You must by now think that I am hopelessly in love. How would you react when you find something, that made you feel complete? I myself was doubting the wonder. I was afraid, frightened and skeptical. But, I let go.
Image Source: myspace.com
Our essences meet. Her insecurities-my insecurities. Her strengths-my strengths. Her tastes-my tastes. Artist of moves she is. I am an artist of sounds and colors. I write what she thinks of. What I feel, she puts them in words. Pain has been gifted to her, to mould her into what she is now. Pain has made me what I am today. Nuances of love she knows. So do I. When a moment of coldness seeps in...she warms me...and when she shivers...I have my words to soothe her. When I was told about not to trust someone so easily again...so was she...both of us by the people we love the most. Indecision, fear and doubt - what if this doesn't work out? What if, everything is happening so fast, we end up hurting each other? What if none of this is true? What if?
Image Source: weheartit.com
And then we decided. Let us enjoy this while it lasts...for here we are to embark on a journey which will change the course of our lives, meanings of friendships and things we never thought of. Yes, she is my Soul Twin. Different yet the same. Almost the same. Too same...Part of the scattered souls in this Universe, I am complete. And this song, sums perfectly of what it is. Not exactly the same lyrics...but what I felt was fitting to us.

It doesn't matter where you coming from,
I am yours'
She said, on a candle lit front porch.
And we were asking ourselves those things,
That you ask yourself
When you're standing on a road that's bound to fork.
And who we are,
Has brought us here...
And I'm not running from tonight,
And I'm not running from tonight.
And where we are standing...
Is the beginning.
I could feel the earth begin to shake,
As I woke up.
As if it were the first time I had felt your touch,
And we've been running from ourselves so long,
That we couldn't find our way...
Now the winds have shifted us to where we hope to stay...

Wake me up...if I'm dreaming

The world awaits the dawning of a new day.

The World Awaits - Corey Crowder
My Soul is Here....Meoww...I love you. I suck at saying things so openly. And I have never ever felt this way before. I don't care about the world...for now you are a friend, a sister, a daughter, a love and my missing half. *Touchwood* Yes. I had to do that. 

Till the next time people, don't stop believing that someone out there is waiting for us...to fulfill us, make us complete. And it's in what you believe my friend...in what you believe. Blessed Be and take care.