11 Nov 2011

What Love?

Blessed Be My Mystical Mortals!

*Disclaimer: Dark Post Ahead. You have been Warned.*

Today, I meant to talk about love. About how I dread certain people I know really well, are going to break up - on the basis of feelings. The feeling I get when I am with them, when I look at them. I shall be hauled in the padded cell for this. But what can I do?  I feel it. 
Image Source: symyx.deviantart.com
Am I resistant to love? In general? May be my own heart is jealous that I don't want people to love? I don't know. Someone has told me that I have infinite capacity to love, but I put up walls around me. The reason could be that Trust is a big issue. I trust easily and I trust too much. I am clingy. I want someone to take care of me. And I am aware of it. Hence, I don't get close to people. Men, in my life have always assumed extreme positions. I wouldn't include my father in this, though he has a major hand in shaping my opinion about men. I fear them. Women have tagged me. I don't judge them. So what am I blabbering about?
Image Source: vi.sualize.us
I always wonder, that I say I am afraid of falling in love. I can be the most cruelest girl to fall in love with. I can cut you down with my words, I can lure you in and push you down from the edge. I can make you hate yourself. I can make you forget love forever. But you, you cannot make me believe in love, because by the time I realize I am in love, you will be gone. 
Image Source: life123.com
Sometimes it's just about facing our fears. Guess, I am still a coward.
Argh! I can't see myself pining! I need coffee! Okay, lovely people! This is one of those mindless posts which have me ranting without realizing what I ranted about.  I will leave you with a poem, I wrote for someone who loved me and I didn't. He was the only one. I never understood why. However, this one expressed me, truly. 

Dark Love

The fragrance of your love wafts through the air around me,
I choke on it as I know it’s false, I know it will make me fall,
I close my eyes in terror, ready to fight the clawing arms of your love,
I am holding tight the past that had made me forget my pain,
You come closer to take my hands in yours,
I try to run away, I hate being subject to your lies,
But you make me believe you truly love me,
I realize it’s the lie you have learnt over the years and I have no way out,
I fawn at you and fight back the impulse to kill you,
I look at you, in your eyes I see the shimmer of pain I put you through,
I feel happy, I feel young again…
Like a child who relishes the death of the bee that stung it,
You are holding me in a warm embrace and I pray for a peaceful death,
I give my word to never leave you alone, you smile at me with a belief that you won,
My eyes pool the tears of blood and remorse; you are too blind to feel them in your elation,
I give in to the defeat and stand up to be with you in your journey of life, my death,
This dark love will never leave me alone, in pain and grief I will move,
To be your angel, angel of sin, angel of wrong….for you I’ll be your only love, true love…
Love forever…
Image Source: dark.pozadia.org
Sigh, unloaded my heart a bit here. I have to tell you all about this wonderful Blog I follow. Someone really close to my heart writes it and yes, it makes me want to be in LOVE. So Bad. Anyhow, you HAVE to check it out - Little Things in Love - beautiful Blog, will make you smile no matter what. Won't you listen to you Mystical Friend? Go on! Give it a shot!  Blessed Be! Till the next time, my Dears, live like you have no tomorrow...love like there's no forever, hope like there's day after night...dream like all of it will come true.

PS: I am afraid of Masquerade and Venetian Masks - They frighten and intrigue me at the same time. Kinda like, love. Hence, I have put it up there.


Red Handed said...

Try it out, it does hurt but the hurt seems to be worth it and sometimes it even teaches a valuable lesson.
I too follow tht cute blog.

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Red: Yes... And now that I am looking for it, it's no where to be found... Cute Blog, ain't it??? :D

Cяystal said...

Before anything else, I think the choice of images is really apt :D
Listen, I believe people often get confused between love and infatuation, what they perceive as love turns out to be anything but it and when the lose things in the process, they come up with conclusions condemning love and trying to avoid it .. so on and so forth! It might not be the same with you, but falling for someone is a beautiful feeling! I agree with Red, the pain is worth it! If you experience pain at all that is ..

Viya ;) said...

aw... the pictures are sooooo perfect for what ever you've written...
jus take life as it comes.. love.faith.trust.live! :)
shit! i'm so bad at writing up what i really wanna say.. cha!

subtlescribbler said...

trusting people in this evil world has become a tough dare really but then love doesnt cease to exist! And like all things, fearing it or avoiding it is gonna hurt u more. So just let ur heart free..and welcome love in, u ll see u get healed of all ur past hurts and there is a new strength to fall back in love..to love :)


Amigo said...

wow!!!!!!live like you have no tomorrow...love like there's no forever, hope like there's day after night...dream like all of it will come true.Great!

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Crystal: Thank you! :D You know, I recently had that realization...and I snapped out of it...about love/infatuation...it's just...I am afraid to...fall in love, I feel needy. :|

@Viya ;): Heyyy....Thank you! You are tired no, girl? I know what you mean to say...I understand...sometimes, few words spin a tale... :D :D

@Sarah: I know...I end up acting in a way that I wouldn't think of doing normally. Like...you know, turn my charm on and then back out! :| I need an avenging angel. I really feel like a desperado! :|

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Amigo: Thank you Amigo! :) :)

Keirthana said...

I really want to tell you one thing. I was the person who you described. Trusting too soon and too much. Clingy. Making the guy who loved me go through hell. Maybe I am still like that, in a way. But, my guy stood me out and still stands by me. His love has taught me a lot and still doing the same everyday.

I haven't shared this much personally with anyone, but just felt like telling once I read your post. So, if you think "the right guy" has come along at any point of time, then try and give it a shot. :)

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Keirthana: I am glad you shared this with me...the right guy hasn't come yet...but may be this time, I will not push him away... :) :)

*Hugs* :D

Anuranjani said...

Everyone. Seriously, Everyone gets clingy. Everyone wants to be pampered, to be taken care of, in love.
And, come on. Let yourself fall in love. Don't stop yourself if it's happening. Love is the most beautiful feeling, ever! :)

P.S.: Let me know, when you do, okay!? ;)

Paanipuri Lover said...

I commented, but ud gaya! Koi ni, I'll comment again!

I know that feeling! How hard it is to trust and love! Some incidents of past have scarred you this bad, or something you've witnessed! It'll get better one day, this is all I hope! And *hugs*...!
And that poem was beautiful! <3 <3

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Paanipuri Lover: *Hugs* I am in tears. Scarred yes, I don't know how, but I am. I hope so too...someday! :) :)

Thank you Thank you! <3

meoww said...

@pradeeta..first of all..so super sorry for commenting so late..i wasn't around for quite a few days..
so doing all the catching up now..
hmm..your posts touch a chord deep down you know..
and you know what sweetie..there is absolutely nothing wrong in fee;ling the way you do..
circumstances and surroundings have probably shaped your mind the way it is now..
don't worry..everything will happen at the right time in your life..
and all that has happened; has been that way for a reason..however bad it may have been..
so just take a deep breath and smile that enigmatic smile of yours..
God has planned some awesome things for you..
and the day you find true love..when you see the shining light in your own eyes for someone special..everything will fall in place..
god bless you dahlin..


Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@MEOWW, I MISSED youuuuuu!! :( I am just Blue...will be all right... yeah, I know, I am not letting go of things....Thank you for saying that, I know God cares :D *Phew* *Hugs Back*

Blessed Be!

Deepankar(Gray sky) said...

First of all it's been a long time, I have a LOT to catch up on...I don't know why I started with this one. I'm glad I did.
Secondly, I could somehow relate myself to this...this felt like talking to myself in a mirror. It's like I want to but I won't let anyone near..it's a strange kind of fear...maybe I'm too much in my head..whatever it is...it was..it made me build these walls around me...inside them I feel safe..but then at times I feel lonely.
I can't explain...words don't come easy to me..not a writer like you na :D

Razi said...

I don't know why but post on true love usually get me senti. Beautiful :)

Kanan said...

Someone has been going around copy-pasting blog posts. Looks like this is one of them.