7 Nov 2011

I will Love you Forever - A Tribute to my Beloved

Blessed Be Everyone!

I came home. And everything is messed up here. I have lost my Naani (Maternal Grandmother), the day I arrived here. Somewhere deep down I believed that she will be all right. I had put my faith in HIM. Now I feel, she is saved from the heavy life she had to live here, in her old days. It's tough to handle Mum. And it's more tough to believe that she is no more.  

She was beautiful, brown eyes and long hair, grayed but luscious. And we shared our love for coffee. She never mocked me for being fat, made a point to call me beautiful, wished to see me married in red - Bengali Style. I feel proud to be related to her. She always saved things for me - baby cucumbers, orange candies, Paan (Beetle Leaves), books and her love.
Image Source: candypros.com
My paternal grandma is biased - as in she is prejudiced when it comes to girls. No, when it comes to me. She has always disliked me, hated me since the day I was born - a girl and premature. And I have hated her right back. I don't disrespect her. I avoid her. She knows that. We talk like Frenemies. She makes a point to call a gathering and display my *beauty* - "Oh she has such a beautiful face but she is so fat. God is so unjust! Tch Tch." "Oh, you want to be a Darzi?? (Fashion Designer)...will you get money?" "What, you are becoming a lawyer? Who will marry you? Eh, you are so fat." etc. I don't intend to insult my Daadi Maa. But the stark difference between both my Grandmother hurts me. And my reasons for going to village is now gone. I am trying to live normally, standing by my Mother, for now she links me to her mother. 
Image Source: danheller.com
But nothing, nothing can fill the void. I am unable to cry for the feeling hasn't sunk in. I cannot believe she is gone. I cannot. She stayed with me for two months. And suddenly she is gone. 

Trying to forget you, letting you fade away,
Fact of life, tough to believe, easy to say,
Your place in my heart, who can replace,
I am your daughter, I need your embrace,
My heart rejoices, for you have finally found peace,
But without you my breath, my life now seems bleak,
I know you see me, I can feel you in my heart,
You made me believe, true love exists from start,
I was beautiful when I was with you,
I was complete, when your smile was true, 
I pine for you, but the halo has touched you,
You are now in HIS loving protection,
May happiness be your ultimate destination.

Image Source: getoutdoorgear.com
I am trying to move on with my life. My parents will leave to attend her last rites but I have to stay back. Friggin' Exams. She knows how freaked out I get. I haven't shed a tear yet. I know I will, when I am alone. The feeling hasn't sunk in. Yet. Forgive me. For I need strength. Stand by me. For I need Love. Hold my hand. For I know, I am true. So be you. 

Blessed be my beloved people. Till the next time believe that Death is the Ultimate Peace, the truth we need not fear. 

26 comments:

Viya ;) said...

aww man.. Sorry to hear about your granmum's demise... :| ...Life has to move on.. and we really can't help whom we get as family but thank god we can choose friends.. :)
the poem reallly touched me :) very beautiful.. :)

Cяystal said...

Blessed be! .. I'm really close to my maternal grandmom.She's around 70 but more energetic, enthusiastic about things than me .. I can imagine the pain you got right now. I never got to see my dadi so got no clue how she was.
Don't worry, you, she's in safe hands. *tight hug*
and i loved the way you described her. Sounds like a total Bong beauty :)
and well, only if we could choose our family .. life would be different. I have these pesky relatives too .. kya kia jaye ab!
You take care oka.. be good! We're all there for you :)
PS: I hope one more follower makes you smile :)

meoww said...

come hither my dearest..
let the goodness in the world wrap you in her arms..

i know no words will ever make up for your loss..
but all i can offer tight now..
is just words..let them comfort you..soothe you..calm you..

your naani ma is watching you with her kind eyes and will always keep her hands on your head blessing you..

the poem was so beautiful pradeeta..
and you are a bengali..??!!!
now you have made me love you even more..:):)

mishti mishti...:)
just tc sweetie..
*a warm hug*
and cry to your heart's content...it will be a big release for you..

god bless you..
always..

cheers..
-meoww

meoww said...

*right now
:)

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Viya ;): I understand. :) :) Thanks dear! :D :)

@Crystal: Blessed Be my Lady! *Tight Hug* Heheh, she is beautiful, though not Bong, closely associated though. :D Thank you So much! :D I know you all are.

*she was

@meoww: Thank you, your words made me smile, calmed me down...you talk like MSM :D Honey, I am not Bong but sort of a mix of Nepali/Bihari/Bhopali and Grandpa had worked in Bengal. I kinda share the looks ;) :D Do you still love me?? :D Coz I do doubly more! :D
Mishti Bhalo Hobe :D
Thanks! *Warmest Hugs* Somehow, I am unable to cry. *Shrugs* I feel it, but I am aware that my mind has blocked it. :|

Anuranjani said...

*hugs*
Aww love. Take Care.
I was reminded of my Nani. I lost her when I was eleven. And, she was the only grand parent I really knew so it was hard.
We all are there for you.
The poem is beautiful. :)
And, did I see Bihari? :O ;) :D

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Anuranjini: Thank you...it is hard. I am just numb. :|

PS: Yes, a Bihari - an exception to the image of all the Biharis. ;) :D

Keirthana said...

Awwww.. My heart-felt condolences for you dear. Your naani will always be with you, though she has passed on and you know that too. She lives in your heart, forever. Take Care and be strong. Your naani will be so proud of you. I know words are not enough for your loss. So *hugs*.

Red Handed said...

May she rest in peace! I pray for her departed soul...
I know wht u might be going thru but hold on allright my love..Even I am close to both my grandmothers and I can only imagine the trauma of loosing them,

kalpak n. said...

heyy!

really sorry to hear bout ur grandma. and please cry...maybe not now. concentrate and get done wid ur exams first, but then yaa, as u said, jus sit and cry it out for once. i dont wana sound preachy, but i know dats wat u need :)

and after u cry, jus sit and recollect the happy moments spent wid her, and smile. :)

and im not surprised that ur poem is so beautiful, cos i truly believe melancholy is the best motivator for poems.

BTW...hi5...we both are at 75 followers :)

race ho jaaye?!

Atrocious Scribblings said...

Sad to hear about your Naani's passing away. My condolences and prayers.

Most Naani's I know are way more cooler than Daadi's so I know for a fact that it hurts even more.

Beautiful poem you have there. Please deal with the emotions asap; if you bottle them, they're going to give you a torrid time later on.

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Keirthana: Thanks Honey, your words are beautiful, strengthening me... *Hugs*

@Red: Love, it's like I am numb. My bro cried, mum cried...everyone...It's like I am just watching. Was up whole night yesterday. I don't know what's happening. I am not feeling anything. I just... *Hugs*

@Kalpak: Hey, I wish crying was easy, mate. Yeah, exams. Oh God! 2nd December. You ain't sounding preachy, I am surprised to see these words come out of a guy. [I am sorry for being bitchy. I am learning...slowly]Thank you :)

You know, I am kind of proud that atleast I remember how she was. Beautiful and loving. I wish to inherit some of those qualities from her. And yes, Melancholy is the other side of me. Thank you Kalpak. Means a lot.

:D Hi5! Yayyy! 75!

Race? Ya Competition? Jeetoge toh tum hi, par hum bhi kam nahi. ;) :D

PS: Thank you so much mate. Words can heal sometimes. :)

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Atrocious Scribblings: Thank you Dear! It's impossible you know, to cry. I just don't know.
:( Thanks for the prayers and wishes.

Suruchi said...

so sorry for you loss-and i understand how you feel coz my nani and my dadi were total contrast too...my nani was a selfless angel and dadi kept complaining how SHE never got enough of everything!

i grew up disliking her and not bothering much about her beyond the surface politeness. however when my dadi died some years back,a sort of realization crept in that perhaps all her cribbing stemmed from insecurities and loneliness!

may you get all the strength and remember that it is not people who make us special or not so-it is within us always:-)

Arnab Majumdar said...

I've known loss from an early age. I've seen both my grandfathers slip away while I was growing up. I know just how you feel, but I will say this - remember that the best way to keep someone alive, forever, is to hold them with love in your memory :)

I don't know if that helps or not, but it helped me a lot. Take care...

Cheers,
Arnab Majumdar
ScribbleFest.com

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Suruchi: You know, I am glad you are around. I take your words like magic potion. And somewhere deep down I realize that as well, but I don't know why I expect my Daadi to be different or changed. Thank you! :) :) You are like a beacon of confidence and love.

@Arnab: Blessed Be! Yes, that is true remembrance. I agree. Thank you for those kind words. :) :)

subtlescribbler said...

A great loss indeed. I have not seen my maternal grandmother but i have always adored my paternal grandmom..and ofkors she is growing old and sick each day. This post of urs remended me to spend still more time with her and tell her how much I love her :)

and ur nani's love will be with u forever..at the end thats what actually matters! keep d strength!

sarah

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

Sarah: Blessed be! Yes Yes, spend the time with her...for love can change the world. And it's never enough to say I love you...

Thank you honey! :)

Anuranjani said...

I am a Bihari too. Hi5! :D

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Anuranjani: OMG, never found one around! *Hi5* *Hugs* :D :D

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Life and death is a cycle and nothing can change it.
A sad post.. May your grandmother's soul rest in peace.
The poem was beautiful.. :)

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@Philo: Blessed Be, my dear! :D Yes, Life and Death are the truths which we have to accept some day. Thanks for dropping by here. Means a lot! :D

RAVISHANKAR said...

Hi I know how the loss and pain of loosing the dear ones.. I lost my mom 3 months back and i am not back to normal yet.. But as i think i am firm believer that whatever happens in life happens for good :) So be composed :) Cry because it reduces the lump of worries you have in you... May your grandma Rest in Peace... Take care!!!

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@RAVISHANKAR: Hey, I am so sorry. Now I feel small...because your loss...I understand. I know, it will take time, but I am sure you will heal. About crying, honestly, it's not happening. There's this numbness that has spread. I wish I could cry. You too take care!

PeeVee™ said...

So sorry about your grandmother. She sounds so sweet and is right, you look amazing in red.
And the other grandma, you don't need me to say that it's bull, do you? You know it is already.

Death of a loved one takes with it a part of us, I believe that.
I'll say a prayer for her soul and pray for you to have the strength to deal with this.

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

@PeeVee: :) :) You have seen me in red. :D Hmmm, it is. Thank you so much, so much! It means a lot to me! *Hugs*