28 Sep 2011

Fear - Raguel (Part 11)

Read Part 10 Here Continued from the Dairy entry in Part 10...

And suddenly I was before that person, my hands raised and fire glinting dangerously, I scream," STOP! Or I will Burn you! Step away from the animal! NOW!" Hearing my voice, the person snapped his head up. And I nearly died. It was HIM. 
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His real name, I didn't know, but in my poem I had decided to call him Raguel. It was HIM who had the power of destruction. It was HIM, whose emotions were intense - hot and dark like lava. I should have known. The fire in my hands was sizzling as wind struggled to clear my head.
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And then it hit me. HE threw his power at me, as I buckled over and fell down - disoriented. Margaret however, immediately threw her hands up and chanted a spell that immobilized him. I could only see her...she was shouting at him, her hands radiating luminous purple glow - to mark the strength of her psychic power as she successfully gave him, terrible headache. 
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I could see and hear him scream...as Margaret turned towards me, motioning me to get up. It happened at the same time - as Margaret put her warm white palm on my hurt insides - he got free of the snare put around him and shot a dark swirl of energy at Margaret. I lifted my left hand and shot all the energy I could muster to create a wall around us...but it was too late...my energy wall deflated the impact but his dark energy hit Margaret directly her heart...as she crumbled beside me. 
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I let out a yell of despair as I tried to get up and run after him. He looked at me and mouthed the words - I am sorry and ran with a speed I couldn't match. Moreover, I let him go, because Margaret needed my immediate attention. I re-lit the red candle and concentrated on healing Margaret. She was breathing but the blow had been pretty hard. She opened her eyes and whispered - "Take me to Doctors honey...my end is near...take me...use your power...to take us home." My hands were shivering as I summoned wind and all the other elements as I pictured our place and thought of the pain Margaret was feeling. Fresh tears were falling from my eyes as I pulled Margaret on my lap and closed my eyes. 
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With an immense WHOOSH! I found ourselves in the house. Margaret was smiling feebly, "That was incredible. You can do it. You can save him and you can save the world." Margaret fainted as I put her on her bed and dialed for an ambulance. 
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It's 9 am and I cannot believe that few hours have already passed. I will have to fight him...for what he did to my mentor, to the deer...feeding on it...was he really that evil? Yes Claire, he is. Who else can attack an old woman like that?? Now I have to find answers before I take my revenge. Oh! The wind...I have a message.....

 I wouldn't have done that to her what I did, but you weren't supposed to see me.
I know you will not forgive me, but give me a chance to explain. The stars have made me like this
And I do not know a way out. Will you please save me? I am Ragel - but I am falling in Bottomless Pit. Will you help me protect my Humanity?
Image Source: bigstockphoto.com
How dare he think I will save him?? How dare he? Now, I must tell him, that if he can destruct, I can create...something...that he cannot bear. Oh Dear wind, take my message to him....

Astra Inclinant, sed non obligant

For I know now, that Stars incline us but they do not bind us. 

Love, 
Claire
21st July 2011

27 Sep 2011

Fear - The Darkness and Humanity (Part 10)

Read Part 9 Here

What you see may not be true, what may be true, you may never see. The Darkness engulfed by the Angelic Wings, burn the light of Humanity, in a heart so desolate, mind so irate,
No Light could ever penetrate. 
I found you in my deepest desires, to be loved and to love, 
Oh Raguel*, you may be...disguised as human, to come to me,
But shall I let you enter my heart, to save this world from devil's wrath,
Or shall I let you die and open the bottomless pit, high

In my most horrifying dreams, even when I was penned and listed as insane, I had not expected to see what I have seen today. The end is near, as I can feel it... Oh Diary, how can I stay strong when Margaret is unwell, dying. City doctors are around her, tending her feeble heart. But her eyes, those marvelous eyes have told me that there is no hope, that everything now, what ever she had taught me, is in my hands only. That her time on earth was over, though her noble spirit may linger to help me through this Dark time. What must I do? What?


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I am still in shock as all of this has happened so quickly. I had not never anticipated this. Never. But what happened today has made me realize that I have a great responsibility on my shoulders. Greater than mere magical intrigue, greater than anything I had ever felt. Now, I must write what had happened today to sort out the thoughts in my head and decode what I must do next. Margaret dos't don't doesn't want me to be near her. She says, if she sees me, it would be tough for her to proceed to the after life... I wish I could save her. I wish I could heal her. I am an orphan...without her.


Image Source: youreyesite.net
She is a powerful witch, but she has taught me an important lesson - That no human is Immortal. I am learning it the hard way but I know now who and what I have to fight. I...I had thought wrong...till now...Humanity is to be looked out for and you know, HE lacks it. Yes, He. It is Him that I have to fight! I have to get back the good in him and then save the life around us and in the forest. He is evil, Diary, he is...and I might love him. I might. 


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I woke up at 4:30 in the morning today, to finish the final step of my study with Margaret. She came along with me to witness my ritual and how I practice the art of Wicca. I had left my hair open, to feel the cold crisp air of the morning and had selected a particularly thick candle to carry with me today. It represented my spirit and all the powers that I have ingrained over the course of these few months. I spread the white sheet on the forest ground while Margaret, looking like an excited young girl, came along to supervise me.

Image Source: uncyclopedia.wikia.com
It was quite early and the moon was still glowing, showering its pale blue light on us. It was a beautiful sight, so peaceful as I placed the red pillar candle after cleansing it with sage and eucalyptus oil half way up, half way down, five times. Then I scattered scented petals around it and lighted my candle. It instantly illuminated the area around us as Margaret and I, sat down, our eyes closed and our breathing in time with the breeze. Margaret asked me to focus on my powers and create an energy field. 


Image Source: panoramio.com (Dennis Te Pas)
I spread my palms face up and invoked wind, which settled on my palm like glitter dust, I invoked fire and water together and little shower of fire and water together mixed in the wind, coloring my palm a brilliant yellow and blue. It was so spectacular, all the elements swirling in my palm as I called earth and Spirit to join them...the final energy field was of golden halo like area which traveled from my palms and around Margaret and around the ritual candle. 


Image Source: sbdc.osu.edu
I tuned the brightness a little as I thanked my animal friends and joined my palms in a "Namaste" and bowed. Margaret Chanted a beautiful spell thanking everything. As I asked all the elements to leave... 


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I heard it...The agonized cry of pain. I placed my right hand on the ground, praying the earth to let me feel which creature was in such abysmal situation. Before I could get a clear vision, a shooting pain raced through my hand, making me scream. 


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Margaret came running, to help me remove my hand from the earth, but I couldn't. Tears ran through my eyes as the agonizing pain threatened to slice my arm off... I couldn't move. I closed my eyes, willing myself to see what was happening. Margaret brought the still glowing pillar candle before me to give me strength as I swallowed my whimper and concentrated on the other painful sound and then suddenly I was there. I could see everything happening right before my eyes. I could see Margaret following me. I realized I was transported to the place from where the pain came to me. I hid behind a tree as I heard the agonized cry freakishly close to me. 


Image Source: corbisimage.com
There lying in the bright moonlight, was a beautifully spotted deer. And it's right fore foot was twisted at an odd angle while someone latched at it's tender neck...someone, who was covered in a dark cloak... a silver glint caught my eye as I tried to find the eyes of the person...where had I seen that dark luminosity before? Where?


Image Source: vinithasaira.wordpress.com


To be continued...

*Raguel: In Latin texts, Raguel is one of the seven arch angles. Known for justice, fairness and harmony, he oversees other Angels to ensure that they work peacefully with the mankind. All angels and arch angels who transgress, must face this angel who passes judgment and issues punishment. He is also the one who opens the Bottomless pit. He is sometimes identified with Abbadon, an angel who is believed to be Devil. Raguel ensures that the Heaven remains pure and free of corruption.  (http://www.20000-names.com/male_latin_names_05.htm)

20 Sep 2011

Fear - When I grew Up (Part - 9)

Read Part 8 Here

Dear Diary...I...I tried to search him. And I asked the winds to help me. He was there...near the Old Library. He has a small house. Um, I did actually talk to him. Claire Claire Claire, are you sure what you are getting into?
Image Source: buenosairesphotographer.com
I sat with Margaret today. She told me I should not let my mind wander. She says it is my life but I should concentrate on the purpose that I have been assigned by nature. Okay, I understand. For a second, I had been thinking that we (Him and I) will meet and fall in love and then...yeah, selfish selfish thoughts, what can I do? I am a human after all - no, I am gifted. I should never forget that.

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Anyway, I followed the winds and decided I will wait and watch him, but I suddenly felt stalker-ish. So, I turned back on my heels and walked towards the woods. I stood near the tree where I had been hiding the last time I had seen him. I sat under the canopy of huge leaves and scattered my Candles. Today I chose a white daisy for mental peace and channeled my energy into lighting the candles. I sat there, staring at the beautiful flickering light when a huge flapping of winds sniffed out my candles. 
Image Source: worldofstock.com
I looked around in astonishment. A crow was circling and coming for an attack towards me. I froze. I tried to calm it down, but it's thoughts were jumbled mess. It was ill. I lifted my hands up to save my self. A sudden shrill Caw Caw made me open my eyes...the bird had disintegrated. All that remained of it, were scattered black feathers. I instantly turned around to see who it was. As my heart already knew, he was standing near the tree with lazy wisps of smoke coming out of his finger tips.
Image Source: 123rf.com
Honestly, I was furious. I mean, he isn't supposed to hurt these creatures! And besides, I could have managed  the crow myself! But I know I couldn't. That is why I am learning to control my emotions. Fine. However, I looked at him straight in the eye and said, "You shouldn't have done that!" He curled his fingers into fist, when I noticed a sling bag on his shoulders, presuming it carried another set of books, which would unfurl the mystery of his gift. 
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"I saved your life." He said. His eyes were like dark swirling storms. I was scared to look at him but intrigued at the same time. If he is powerful, so am I. "You might have just saved my eyes. Thanks." I snorted, and said sarcastically, but instantly regretted my action. Anger was not the way I should be doing this. Instead I looked into his eyes and tried to read his thoughts. 

I saw sudden images flashing - I saw myself, my dark wild hair, my eyes and as he saw. OH MY GOD! He had seen me light the candles! The intensity of emotions that were running through his mind pushed me out of his head. I instantly fell on my knees breathing hard. 
Image Source: Google images
"Whoaa! Are you all right?" He asked, but did not come near me. It was good. If he had touched me, God knows, my heart might have disintegrated! I held my head for a brief minute and said, "You saw me. Now?" He nodded a yes. I thought he would smirk but instead, he sat down next to me and said that the fire thing was really amazing. He spoke in a soft but a deep voice. Baritone. Like Music.


"How did you learn to manage your energy?"  I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering if I should tell him. Then I remembered Margaret's words. She had approved of him. "It takes a lot of concentration and focus."I said.

"I understand. Are you angry with me? I killed your pet apparently." He shrugged. His fists tight and his knuckles turning white.
Image Source: empowermoments.org
I felt my heart thudding. Slowly, I thought of the calming energy of earth and placed my palm on his and channeled my peaceful energy into him. His eyes widened in shock and amusement. He scooted back suddenly, his hands slipping from under mine still glowing palms. I hadn't realized till now how my glow was always there. I was hurt. Stupid tears sprang up in my eyes. 
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I said, "I...I am sorry. You helped me. I was just paying you back." I looked down and gathered my stuff for the ritual and started to get up. Before I turned around I pleaded to him, "Please do not tell anyone about this." I felt bad that he was scared of me. "Hey wait up." He stood up abruptly, stood before me and said, "Heyy, where are you going??"He said. I told him. "You seem afraid of me. Honestly, I shouldn't have done that. I must leave." I started to walk away. 
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Everything around us was calm. My eyes followed the line of trees and the living creatures who were also my friends. A bird's tiny voice reverberated in my head -  Claire...wrong. 


"I am not afraid of you. The feeling of peace...it was something that I had never felt before. It...it was amazing." I turned around slowly and looked up at him. Sincerety. Honesty. Involuntarily, I read his thoughts. He was intrigued by me. Someone...hazy...old...Darkness...That swirling intensity hit me again. But I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes. This shouldn't be happening. We have to work together.


I open my eyes and spoke, this time, with conviction, "We are to meet again, for our stories are weaved by the stars. A hand holds hand to save what is ours and to nurture the love that is showered upon us by Heavens." I quietly turn around and start walking away from him, more determined. If we are to meet, we will, eventually. I must not push anything. He just stood there. Not stopping me, just looking at me, awed.
Image Source: Google Images
I heard him say,"Astra inclinant, sed non obligant. I will see you beautiful Claire again." My heart throbbed with fear. He knew my name and he had chanted an old Latin Phrase, which the winds loyally brought to me. The phrase meant...

The stars incline us, but they do not bind us.
Will we dance to the tune of the Universe? (Image Source: genfeanor.deviantart.com)
I had not cared to ask him who he was, what his powers were. I was being stupid and Margaret will be so ashamed of me. Next time, there will be no turning back. 


Love,
Claire,
12th July 2011

16 Sep 2011

Fear - The Enosis (Part - 8)

Read Part 7 Here

I saw him today!!! I saw HIM today! Oh! I cannot believe that this will happen so fast. Margaret is certain, it is him. Oh no, I am not falling in love. We will come together, unite together for  a reason. I am not sure if he is aware of what he is expected to do. I know I know, you are thinking I was better off without anyone else involved. I am wondering if the extent of my power should be known. I will somehow keep my mind together and focus on what I need to do. 
How can I not believe what I saw?
I want to tell you this. I had a glimpse of what I am expected to do. I was walking down from the forest in the morning, when a bird fluttered past my ears chirping frantically that a hunter was there shooting them down for their colorful plumage. I HAD to try something. It was my chance to test my skills.
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I stealthily followed the trail leading to the part where the hunter was crouching. I went behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and glared at me saying, "What? Don't you see I am at work here?? Now get lost girl and play with your dolls!" I grit my teeth and said, "Can I please watch you Sir? Even I want to see how you shoot the birds? I am sure you are really good with this stuff." I fluttered my eyelashes and widened my eyes to give him a look of sheer innocence. He cowered and asked me to join him. 

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Yess!! Now was the time. As he aimed at the nearest bird, I concentrated on the bird asking her not to move. Then as the guy pressed the trigger, and the bullet left the mouth of the gun, I made a huge wind gust around him, making the bullet miss it's mark and hit a stone near by. Ah! I saved the bird. Out loud, I exclaimed, Damn!! Again he tried to concentrate on another bird, this time, I let the gun sizzle in his hand a bit, which he dropped and nearly shot his foot. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from giggling. After few other attempts, he wiped the sweat off his brow and exhaled, "I am sorry girl. I don't think we have our luck today. Something is weird happening around here." His thoughts nearly bordered paranoia - he thought that I was a ghost or something. He was imagining me disappear. Haahaha! :D


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Ha! Sure! I waved him away and winked at my feathered friends. I felt proud of myself. And that's when I ran smack into HIM. Oh God! I nearly died. No, my face was impassive but my heart was drumming crazily against my ribs. How did I recognize him?? He was sitting against a tree near the edge of the forest. There was this air of somberness around him. 
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He was thumbing through the pages of some 10 books scattered around him as he kept turning turning turning the pages around. I held my breath as I hid behind a huge tree, watching him close his eyes and flick one finger towards a mud pile. It disintegrated. The Mud pile just exploded with a soft popping sound. I was astonished. His gift was to destruct. to explode things. How can that be helpful in anyway??


Image Source: panoramio.com
THUD! He smacked his fist onto the ground with anger. From where I was hiding, I could see his eyes twinkle with anger. He was very very frustrated. Like I was many months ago. Remember what Margaret had told me -  

"A Man who will be crowded even when alone and alone even when crowded.The Shadow will follow him but his eyes will embrace it, in their own light. His heart would yearn for a soul - a companion."

Now, I can interpret the words. I looked around and found myself under the canopy of a huge leafy tree. He looked up suddenly in my direction. I hadn't even cared to read his thoughts. Damn! I ran as fast I could. He couldn't follow me as I conjured a mini breeze lifting and turning the pages of his book and scattering the mud. I felt bad. I am not ready as of yet to make him see me. 
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But if you had met him today and spoken to him, you would have figured out what you needed to do eventually. This is what my mind is chastising me for, right now. I hope I see him tomorrow, again. Then I promise I will talk to him. 

Love, 
Claire,
10th July 2011. 


PS: The word "Enosis" in the Title means "Union" or "One" in Greek. [Rarely used as noun and commonly refers to union of Greece and Cyprus]

9 Sep 2011

Fear - Why can't I touch you? (Part 7)

Read Part 6 Here

Blessed Be Dear Diary,

It's been a Long time since I have written in you. Two Months to be precise. Reminds me of the time when I was on run. Three Months have already passed since I left the Asylum, ran away from home, started to control my powers and also met Margaret, who is also my Mentor and Priestess now. Yes, she is a Wiccan and I am her disciple. She is also a  Shaman, remember?? I have learned a lot in these past few days. 
Image Source: www.cwatchel.com
Controlling my desires, inhibitions and the perpetually fluctuating gift that I have, has been a life altering, humbling experience. Things Gifts I have realized categorized as new found or already existing, are as follows: (Yes, you like my Pseudo-Book-Of-Shadows. Now you are costlier and more dangerous than a treasure chest on a pirate ship. You have everything that I would take to my grave).

K (Known)
N (New)

*Altering Weather Patterns (K)
*Reading Feelings/Faces/Emotions (K)
*Healing through touch and concentration of energy (N)


Image Source: www.images.google.com
*Understanding Animals - Freaky but nice (N)

Sometimes I feel that I have become a freaking Atom bomb, that can explode any time. Sigh, no, I shouldn't say this. Bearing so many unusual things in me, can take a toll, I understand. I know YOU understand. Margaret wakes me get up at 4 in the morning. I get up and take bath with luke warm water. She insists on cold, but doesn't force me. She is the most benign soul, I have ever seen. After I am done, we go into the forest...and pick white flowers, yellow flowers and some herbs. I place them at a clean place where first rays of sun touches them. 
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I light up a candle or sometimes place a conch or a big flower with an open core and concentrate on it's contours and textures thinking about peace and channeling my powers. 


It's amazing. The conch or the core of the flowers shines the moment I focus...and the breeze starts flowing, filled with beautiful smells. Birds chirp and it's like I have come home. I love this. Soon, I have  to embark on a journey. 
Image Source: www.petalgarden.com
AM I EVEN HUMAN?? DON'T YOU LOVE ME GOD??! =(

Sorry, I am sorry. That I wrote last night. Margaret tells me mood swings are sign of a very sensitive mind and I need to work on it. I am still an 18 year old young adult and I will need practice. 
Image Source: www.zindy-zone.dk
Now, I must tell you, this is a secret. I have to find a man, a man who will be crowded even when alone and alone when crowded. The Shadow will follow him but his eyes will embrace it, in their own light. His heart would yearn for a soul - a companion. 
Image Source: www.fanpix.com
That would be me. Yes, me. Together we will find that evil which will plague humanity and bring peace to the ailing world. Margaret is here. I have to go for meditation.
Image Source: www.images.google.com
Till then...Blessed Be!


Love,
Claire
7th July 2011

5 Sep 2011

Fear - The Beacon, My Destination. (Part 6)

Read Part 6 Here

Blesses Blesed Bessed Blessed Be Dear Diary, 

I am SO SO SO exhilarated!! You can see that I cannot even write straight!! Ha ha ha. =D Ahem. =P Sorry. So, you know that I went to see that Old Lady yesterday. Umm, she is a Shaman. I mean, they are these people who can heal other people by using Natural Herbs and chanting magical spells. Oh, no no, they are not those freaky people...She is so nice...like like Ma.
Image Source: vi.sualize.us
I was missing Ma so bad that I cried before Mrs. Margaret. Yep, that's her name. Anyway, today when I went to her shop, she invited requested called me in...I held her hand again...and...and the same whiff of wind filled with the smell of roses and...lost memories...I don't know =(
Image Source: flowermeaning.info
So what was I saying...yeah, she told me SO many things. Um, now I have some idea about my aimless life and the purpose I was born to fulfill. All the detachments that I had been experiencing in my whole life of 18 years has always had a reason. That the pain comes for a reason - that I had to be strong, I had to be grown up to shoulder the responsibilities that I have been endowed with. And remember, I had said that I feel drained when I used powers - no - gift that I have been given, Margaret told me I can use my powers gift sparingly...and in a certain way, so that I can concentrate even on a smallest area I need to.


Image Source: www.flickr.com
She is confused about the way I will contribute to saving humanity though she is fervent in her belief that Mother Nature has chosen me for something. But she has asked me to meditate and practice spells which will help me with my purpose, teach me to control my frayed emotions and learn to view the events that would help me. Now, I have to go...but before I part, I will mention a stanza that learnt on my own -


With Air in my hands, 
With Fire in my heart, 
With Water under my feet,
With Earth in my body
And the Spirit that never dies,
I call unto thee, Mother Nature, 
Your child here awaits her destiny,
And I wait for you until you set me free.


Image Source: valleeastronomy.pbworks.com
I will tell you everything else, tomorrow. Till then...Keep loving and keep smiling. 

Love,. 
Claire,
11th May 2011'


PS: The Eclipsed Moon signifies that after every Darkness, there is Light. Behind every Misery, there will be Hope, there will be Love and in the end, we will accept it as our own. The Light, The Hope and The Love in our Hearts. Blessed be! :)

2 Sep 2011

Fear - The Breath Taking Encounter. (Part 5)

Read Part 4 Here

Blessed be Dear Diary, The last time I wrote to you, I was an emotional wreck. But now I am all right. And in fact, far more better than I have ever been. You know why? I have found a ray of hope. A Bright Bright Ray of hope. You will not believe what happened...

Image Source: www.flickr.com
I was at the Library - no - an old book store down this street. There are a lot of tiny shops around this place and surprisingly, many of them sell stuff that I am interested in. So, I was going through these colorful candles that I thought I could use to invoke the elements tonight and soothe my frazzled nerves, when I noticed that the old lady at the counter, was staring at me with open admiration. Honestly, I felt weird and a little bit freaked out. I thought may be she is someone who recognizes me, so I instantly kept the candles down, gave her a hesitant smile and decided to leave. But the words she uttered next, stopped me dead in my tracks. 

Susan McLellan. Image Source: www.circleofhealing.org
"Are you an Angel?"

 I stared at her, unsure of what should I do, lest I offend this old woman. So I said that I was  not. She smiled at me ruefully and said,

"You think I am an old senile woman, don't you My Dear? But I think you are an Angel. I can see your wings...You are going to save humanity."

I thanked her for her prediction but did not believe a word she said. However, she instantly smiled and packed my five ritualistic candles and all the holy herbs I would need. I looked at her inquisitively when she smiled saying that I was going to avenge Mother Nature some day. 

Image Source: www.far3e.com
Even though it was tough for me to stand there another second, I decided I will talk to her. I asked her whether she was Clairvoyant. She said no, but she said she could read energy fields and mine was glowing like Sun. Haha. She freaks me out! Now I know why mother and everyone else was so scared. I have promised to see this old woman tomorrow. 

One weird thing happened though. She had held my hands and I felt a whiff of breeze filled with rose and other fragrances twirl around me for a second and disappear. I looked at her quizzically, while she said something that I am unable to forget. She said, "To you, you may not seem true...but your soul shines as pure as a crystal moon and come to me tomorrow, you may find your way."

Image Source: www.mikeschurko.com
The only thing I understand is that she wants me to see her again, which I will. Thank You God for leading me here.

Love,
Claire
10th May 2011