31 Jul 2011

The Blood Rain

Blessed Be my pack mates, 

*This post is my contribution to The Writers Lounge Monsoon-Madness@Lounge. A bit cliche'd but I hope you all like it* :)

"The rain drops splatter on my face hard as I run like a blind girl.

‘Emily…Emilyyyy. Stop! It’s not what you think.’ I hear Richard scream after me.
‘No, you do not stop if you want to live.’ My mind screams at me. I am drenched completely.

I run with the last ounce of my strength – flailing around looking for a place to hide. There! I see a barn towards my left, but if I enter, it would be a dead end and I would be caught. And then, he will kill me. But I have to take this one last chance for my survival.

I run till I reach the barn and push the huge wooden doors and enter quickly, closing the heavy doors behind me. I am still strong. Good. I do not stop and crouch behind a large mound of hay stack. I can hear Richard shout my name over and over again. I am scared. I have never been so afraid in my life. I have been a strong girl always – my father’s hunting skills in the forests everyday had ensured that I was a tough woman. And at that – no one, man or animal could beat me. But here I was, hiding in a musty smelling barn. Why was I scared?

Because Richard, my husband, can seriously hurt me. He is a strong man too. Stronger than anyone I have ever known. Can I fight him back? Yes. Do I have the courage? No. What should I do? I can feel the dusk starting to wrap around the barn. It’s getting dark in here. Very dark. My heart is beating fast. Rain is pouring down in steady torrents. Richard hasn’t come here yet. Is it safe to come out? I get up from my crouching position and wobble – feeling very weak and disoriented. There’s nothing around, so I decide to get out of the barn. Possibly Richard has already gotten tired of waiting for me and left.

I get out quietly. My off-white corset dress is clinging to my body like second skin. Danger! My mind screams. I turn around, sensing eyes on me. Is Richard still out there? My breath comes out in uneven gasps. I feel defenseless. Was that a fire flickering at the edge of the forest? What was that orange light? He is coming here to burn me. My heart suddenly realizes.

I try to move away from the place. Night has already fallen and I can hear the skittering of insects. I wipe my face and remove my brown straight hair obstructing my vision. I am a fighter. There is no point in being afraid. I go around the barn towards the edge of the forests to see if Richard is there. I will confront him.

Richard! Come out you stinking jerk!” I shout in the general direction of the flickering fire at the distance. My voice makes an owl fly away, scared. Yes, they know me, the animals. I had been a good hunter.

Richard! Richard!” I scream for good again, as the rain carries away my voice. Crunch! There he is. Arising from behind a sodden oak tree.

“Emily…” He whispers holding a flame burning dangerously. The rain is now a drizzle surprisingly, as if it wants me to die too.

“You are here to kill me.” I say, surprisingly calm.
“No, Em... I love you. Why will I kill you? Even if you are a monster.” He says the last word through gritted teeth – mocking me. I realize I love him too but I do not want him to live either.

I look up at the clouded moon and feel a joyous burning in my veins. I am dangerous. I need to hunt. And I cannot let anyone harm me. I may not die ever, but Richard is an open threat to me.  I give him a warning growl. I cannot believe I can still growl. I learnt it from my father, to warn the more dangerous animals like jaguars and panthers. Richard takes a step back. Triumph! My mind cheers me.

“Go away Richard before I kill you.”
Idiot. He sways the fire towards me. I crouch and give a howl…he throws away the flame and turns around to run. I feel my incisors lengthen as I leap and dig them into his throat. His life blood pours into my mouth, energizing me and healing my wounds. The warmth thaws the ice in my heart as I drink from him, heartily.

I smile giving out a happy bark, realizing that being a werewolf wasn’t so bad after all.

29 Jul 2011

It's a BLACK cat! o_O

Blessed be my earthlings and not-so earthlings!

The title must have been a bit of a giveaway I am sure, but I will do the honors of unfurling the mystery anyway. I have grown up among my ancient folks who still believe that the time to sleep is when the sun sets. Okay, not that much, but may be. So, I thought of covering certain superstitions that I've grown up with and some that are ancient but are now twisted to be followed. Here goes!

One day, I got up at 6 in the morning as my father was leaving for a tour. I realized it was a Sunday and I needed to wash my hair, so I asked my mother where the Oil was (Conditioner you see.) Suddenly she goes all bug - eyed. "Do not say that!" I ask, "Say what?" She says, "That!" And I am like, "Oil?" She is like, "Tch!" And then I am like, "Why?" and she goes, "Don't ask me." and my dad is like,  "You argue too much." So I shut up coz this conversation would have ended up connecting my lawyering and conversational skills. 

My point being how many times we start following things without knowing the reasons. So, I combed through my childhood memories, people around me and of course, our internet to see what all people follow. Some of the very popular and weird, I must say, superstitions followed are:
  • This one's a belief from ancient Louisiana tribe which says, "If you want to keep your man to yourself, so that no other woman can ever place her eye on him, put a drop of your blood in his drink and he shall be yours' forever." (Girls?) I felt if the guy ever comes to know of this, he will leave her forever. :P
  • Howling/Crying of a dog is an ill omen (I read that Dogs [Animals in general feel/see/forsee death, hence they howl - my personal opinion, night is the time for most animals to mark their territories or to call for mating)
  • Black Cats crossing the path (I personally do not believe in this one...I feel bad for the cats, though I admit, black ones look creepy).
What did I ever do to yeeeoooowwww??
  • Handing over a knife or scissor to someone you know - causes animosity with that person (I know this one coz I follow this...somehow, my grandma scared me. I always keep the knife or scissor on the table or wherever, from where the other person can pick it up. I know my psyche becomes like that, but haven't been able to get over it. :| )
  • Not cutting nails on Thursdays, Saturdays or in the night (Mostly because of lack of electricity in olden days)
  • Keeping someone else's handkerchief is considered to be harbinger of ill-relation with that person.
  • Seeing a cow and a calf together was/is a very lucky thing. 
  • Inverted footwear would cause fights. :|
  • Never step on a lemon smeared with Sindoor and whatnot (Okay, I have a logic to counter this one super freaky old black magic trick. I believe that there is nothing called Black magic. It's all about the energies we exude. So, if I for instance step on one above said lemon, my mind would instantly spin reasons how I stepped on it and there's gonna be something wrong now, and if anything goes wrong, blame the Lemon. Also, the person who does the whole lemon/chicken whatnot thing, leaves behind a trail of negative energy, which affects people.)
  • If you see a woman in Black/white Saree in the night, she is probably a demon/witch/black magician etc. (Sigh)
  • If a crow caws on your terrace, expect a guest (Suddenly I remember this nice melody from Hum Aapke Hain Kaun - Maayi ni Maayi Munder pe teri bol raha hai Kaaga (Mother mother, there's a crow cawing on your terrace).
  • Keeping the shedded snake skin is considered lucky. (I like snakes but I cannot imagine doing that. Do not take me wrong, I like snakes because they are Lord Shiva's companions...and I am an ardent believer of my Shambhunath.)
  • Horse shoe is lucky.
  • A child born on a Saturday from the left foot (Read MSM) should be asked to wear an iron ring (Which I do not, with due respect to the supernatural entity that protects me). Also, a kick on the back from the said left footer baby heals the pain. Kicks anyone? :D :P
And as far as my research goes, the voodoo thing (Yeah, poking the pin in the eye of the man/woman you hate) is such a farce. I read about it and I am so disappointed in the way we twist things. I think I will do a separate post on the history of Voodoo. :D 
Ow! I bet that hurt! Poor you. :(
So, my fellas, go ahead and tell me what all beliefs have you come across? I would really love to know. :D Till then, see what lies beyond the veil and your heart shall come to you without shame. Blessed Be!!

26 Jul 2011

I Heart Tags!

Hello everyone! Blessed Be!

The night is perfect - it's raining and it's a wee-bit cold, just the way I like it, so you may not be surprised, if you find me ranting again. :) :D I just now made a list of the most weirdest superstitions followed by people (including myself) but more about it later. 

I have been tagged by the Chocolate Obsessed Lady - Priyanka Victor. It was on 5th July and I am late, I know. (In my defense, I was fighting the evil disease of procrastination). The list of questions are very interesting. I got to know more about myself and so would you. :D Here is the tagged me. Thanks Priyanka. :)

Few people wanted to know whether I am really a girl. Yes, I am. 
1. Without sharing your name, who are you?
I may not catch your eye when you look around. A lost look is dominant on my face. But if you do get to know me, you will find someone who is a serious observer, talks a lot, laughs a lot, snaps obviously and a bit more than lazy. Oh and I am also someone, who will answer all your doubts about – 'who do you feel I am and why the hell do you face read?' :P ;)

2. Describe yourself in less than Five words.
Klutzy, Thinker, Pacifier and Protector. That’s Mystical Skeptical for you. :)

3. Do you have any special talents? What?
Oh, I definitely do have special talents, if you ask me :P 
  • I am an unconscious flirt [that’s what my friends say :|] ;)
  • I can sleep (Uh, yeah sleep – like with flopped open mouth and snores :P) anywhere
  • I can tap into people’s emotions. (Yeah, I am a freak, so what?)
  • I can calm people down…and fluster myself :P
  • I never pick up my phone. (Plight of all the people who need to talk to me or text me)
  • And I love too many people at the same time. ;) 

4. Are there any talents you wish you had? What?
I wish I could sing on Stage. Not that I can’t sing now, but singing before people and listening to the thunderous cheers is something I secretly desire. And I also wish that I could teach people how to connect to their souls – I don’t know if that’s really a talent.

5. What are your most important interests? What do you like about them?
  • Writing: it calms me down. The worst of my thoughts go on paper in the form of a story and the best of them, make me realize how beautiful some things can be. 
  • Sketching: There’s something about those rough, scrawny lines that make me feel like a creator of sorts.
  • Watching Tattoo Art ;)
  • Drinking coffee: it’s my poison. :D 

6. What is your opinion of Lady Gaga?
To dress and sing like that is the epitome of a weird combination of Talent and Attention Deficit Disorder.

7. If you could go anywhere this second, where would you go?
Home, to my mother.

8. What are your favorite foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner?
Since I do not live at home, I do not have any favorites. They are mere morsels for survival! *Sigh* I love Italian cuisine though. But, if at home, for breakfast I like cereal or dosa or poha (It’s a rice flake dish…yummy!), for lunch I like my mother’s cooked food – anything and dinner – please with this question – I am already hungry! :P

9. Do you have siblings? Talk about them; if not, talk about being an only child.
I do. A 21 year old younger brother. I could write a book on him if given a chance to talk. Oh, I have had my share of being the bitchy older sister and him being the snitch, but now it’s like a whole new relation we have. He is the only guy in this world who gets to be loved by me, other than my father. Other men, I somehow scare them off :P I am like his younger sister and yes, he is subject to read all the stuff I write. Whatever it may be. And he is the only one who knows all my secrets – weird crushes, dark intentions et al. We even planned to sneak out of the house and live in a tent when we were kids. Our mother caught us last minute. He was 6 and I was 8. 

10. Do you like sports? Which teams do you support?
No, I do not. Cricket is the only sport I have to watch. I support Indian team any day. I am a sport illiterate chick (Yeah, proven).

11. Do you have any tattoos? If not, would you ever get one?
No, I do not. Yes, I would. A crescent moon with a filigree on my shoulder, if I can. 

12. Have you ever donated blood? Why or why not?
No. I have not. Yes, it’s a shame. I am scared. Do not ask me why – I know science. 

13. How do you like your coffee and/or tea?
Coffee – strong. Less milk, more sugar. I love espresso. Tea – less milk, less sugar with ginger. 

14. Are you left-handed or right-handed?
Right – handed. Though, when young, I have tried to write with left, somehow I find left-handed people intriguing. 

15. If you are in college, what are you studying? If not, what did/what are you planning to study?
I am in college. Final year of Law. 

16. What are some of your short term goals?
Lose weight (it has been so for past million years), finish my book, go outside Bangalore and let the one who needs to know what I know. (Don’t ask me to elaborate :P)

17. What kind of music do you like?
Music is something, which I so cannot categorize. But honestly, I like soul music like some of our hindi songs, gothic Christian rock (Read Enya and Evanescence) and anything that has only acoustic guitar in it. I also like jazz. 

18. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
With my family, in our village.If alone, Italy. :D

19. Have you ever been overseas? Where and when?

20. Have you ever been to the circus? What did you think at the time?
Yes, I was quite young when I went there. All I remember is monkey riding a bicycle and sad looking girls in short bright colored dresses doing some jump-hold sort of an act. I remember disliking it. 

21. Are you wearing shoes right now? If so, describe them. If not, describe your socks/feet.
No. My feet? Okay, so, I have small clean feel with painted nails. Do I really have to answer that? :P

22. List some of the things you’d like to do before you die.
Oh man! This question always makes me feel that life is too short. Some things I would like to do before I die: 
  • Get my book published
  • Tap into few mysteries of the universe. 
  • Let someone know how much I have loved him/her
  • Get a tattoo
  • Explore forests
  • Take my family abroad
  • Taste all the variants of coffee in the world
  • Smell the best perfumes
 23. What do you prefer to write with - pencil, pen, crayon, Sharpie, lipstick, chalk etc.?
Pen, ink pen. Or crayon – I love the rough, unclean look. :D

24. Do you like movies? What are your favorites?
Movies, yes. I like animations a lot - Ice Age (All), Despicable Me, Up, Tangled, Happy Feet! Movies like PS I love you and A walk to remember did catch my interest but I avoid over emotional drama trauma. Um, recently I have only seen HP. All time favorites – Don (Amitabh one), Seeta aur Geeta, Satte pe Satta, Abhimaan, Padosan, Bawarchi and In new ones I like Rock on, Udaan, Gangajal…etc. :D Shit, look at the favorite list. 

25. Do you like chocolate? What’s your favorite kind? If not, why?
Yeah, I do absolutely love them. But my favorite ones are the dark ones – I love them. I hate milk chocolates.

I am tagging Maithili, Nia Charms, Blasphemous Asthete, The Solitary Writer and Vinati. I want to see what do you all have to say.. :D :D 

Keep reading my amazing people - MSM blesses you with the best of the times and thoughts. :)

24 Jul 2011

Bon Voyage - 7 (The Destination)

Read Part 6 Here *This Post is very long. Please bear with me. This story needs length. Happy reading*

"I do stop after he does not let me go. But I am dreading what I will see in his eyes – you know, they are a way to your soul. My eyes on the other hand, are blurring my vision totally. My heart is hitting hard against my ribs – how does he, they know about Rhea?

“Ira? Look at me please?” Abeer is standing close to me.  I turn around slowly as my stupid tears fall and roll down on my cheeks. 
“Abeer… I didn’t want you to know about me – I didn’t!” My voice cracks as I point an accusatory finger towards myself. How right was he? And how wrong I was. 
“...you should, you can go to her…” I say, knowing this is best for him. I am not that type of a girl who would give up someone easily – but I had done that and now, Abeer deserves someone much much better. I look at Nalini, she is talking to the waiter there. So beautiful and serene. Unlike me. 

“Ira…Nalini is engaged. Didn’t you hear her?” I searched for an accusatory tone, but Abeer sounded sad and totally understanding. I bite my lip stopping myself from sobbing out loud.  Then I look at him – 

“How did you know…know about me? And why don’t you hate me?” I realize that he is still holding my hand – I pull away – “…Abeer, you were right before…I did whore around Abeer…please don’t touch me.” 

I say leaving his hand as more tears fall. I had never felt such raw pain ever. 
“…I am like a used tissue Abeer, you can’t use me again.” I didn’t let him speak. 

“Ira…I love you and no, you are not like a tissue to me. I mean it when I say it.” He takes my hand again but I am too traumatized to do anything. I glance at Nalini, who looks into my eyes from there and mouths the words, Go”.

We sit at a bench in one corner. None of us speak for a while as I let my tears fall freely now. I am feeling terribly guilty. How can Abeer love me? Isn’t he a man? Men treat women like property – in fact they are very territorial about their girls…how can Abeer be so understanding? 

“Ira…when I had known about this, I was very angry, really angry.” Ah. There is Abeer – the man. I nod. 
“I understand.” 
“No you do not, Ira. Remember I had told you that I was here for a conference? I have been here for two months.” Two months!? Wow. I make appropriate affirmative signs.

“I met this nice guy called Pranab. He is an amazing writer…but a very shy one.” Abeer’s words sent alarm bells ringing in my head as I look at him – my tears forgotten. But I keep quiet lest I let him know there’s something wrong. 

Pranab was my best friend
“…one day I was at his office, going through some of his books, while he was talking on phone. And from this one book, a photo fell. It was you.” 

Oh shit. Pranab was one of the best friends I was talking about earlier. I couldn’t make myself talk as I realize I might be gaping at Abeer. 

“Ira…don’t be scared please.” Abeer’s eyes begged me as he squeezes my hand. I purse my lips fearing that I will launch into oh-please-forgive-me-I-am-totally-pathetic mode. 

“I was shocked to see your photograph Ira. So I had to ask him – ‘who is this beautiful woman? Is she your muse?’ Pranab had shuddered but I had noticed as he told me, ‘Oh she is this amazing woman who is very intelligent and also loves to write…’ and then he told me that…” Abeer stops making me shiver inside. 

“…he loves you. Pranab told me that…but he said he cannot tell you that. Ira, believe me when I say that I was more curious than angry. When I asked him why so, he said, ‘uh-well, she is an escort, you know, like um, she kinda….’ I said I know what he means as he continued ‘– her name is Rhea. And she doesn’t believe in love. I don’t want to make it hard for her.’ That’s what he told me and that’s how I know, what you were doing.”

I had never expected Pranab to be in love with me. Of all the men, he was one guy who hadn’t touched me lustfully. He had held me when I had cried and when I had realized that this was a wrong way of life I had chosen. This new development shook my soul as my heart wrenched again making me cry. 

“Ira…please Ira, stop, don’t cry.” Abeer puts his arm across my shoulders to support me as I sob. 

“Why did you come back to me then? Why?” I ask between sobs.

“Ira, honestly, I was so angry that I wanted to kill you.” I flinch, thinking about the nightmarish dream I had today. It seems so far away. 

“...Nalini heard your story. And she was majorly pissed. She said that if I had truly loved you I would be there for you when the time comes. Ira, I realize that I have truly loved you and would never judge you.” Abeer says hastily. I could see a streak of fear in his eyes that he will lose me again so I do not point out that he needed Nalini to remind him. But I definitely say something.

“You have loved her too.” I say, looking at Nalini. 
“Ira, no…” 
“No Abeer, she is beautiful…if I were you, I would have definitely given it a serious thought.” 
"But Ira you are not me, and I do not love her anymore. That was just a phase. I needed you, only you. And I need you now, I want you now.”
“I don’t know what to say Abeer. I don’t know.” I give up. I mean, I have no idea how things will be from here.

“I know what you can say. Tell me…would you like to write The Cherry Tree with me? It’s your story Ira. Nalini is the editor. Will you start a new life with me?” Abeer says….holding me close, looking into my eyes. His hands holding mine were shivering.

Why was I scared? 

“Abeer, people know Rhea here…every one knows me. I am a slut. You cannot change that. Do you realize what you are asking for? You are a famous writer now and you cannot give up all of this for me.” My hurt and pain are slowly replaced by anger. How could I be so stupid to hope that my life will change?

“Ira Ira Ira…once you embrace the change, the world will change with you.” Abeer tells me. 
“Right, Abeer. Will you? How will you feel when you will be with me? How will you feel when you touch me? How will you feel when someone recognizes me as someone they had slept with. You are being emotional and not thinking at all…” I say, channeling all my fears into this truth. 

“Ira, do you love me?” Abeer asks silently. His question surprises me.
“Do you love me? If you do, you got to trust me. We will make it through, I promise. Your doubts about me…not being able to take this…believe me I am stronger than that.”
“I do love you Abeer. I do.” I realize how true it is until I say it. 

“I want you to live your dream. You can write again. And The Cherry Tree will be blossoming. Will you come with me and fulfill our dream?” I look into his honest and sincere eyes. I had loved him once with my soul. Can my soul be healed again?

Here was Abeer, offering me to live my dream once again, to bring my life on track. Should I think again? Should I listen to him…this day could change my life. Today is the day – when I can be what I really want to be. 

“Don’t doubt your love for me Ira. I can feel that you want to live again. Leave behind the wrong choices you made. This is a choice I am giving you – between living your dream or going back to the dark life that has made you suffer so much Ira. I can’t see you in pain.”

Abeer’s eyes are filled with tears. I cannot believe he would cry. 
“Please come back to me Ira. Come back.”
“Abeer…..” I hug him tight. “I will.” 
Abeer holds my hands and helps me get up. As I watch our hands together, I realize that I have finished one journey and going to start another. 

Nalini walks towards us and hugs me. I feel overwhelmed as I hug her back. 
“Ira…welcome to your new life…” She says as we walk towards the table. I wish myself Bon Voyage. "

*Image Courtesy: Flickr, 123RF, Google Images and VisualVPhotos.

My dear friends, I hope you all loved these series as much as I did. I actually couldn't keep my tears to myself when I was writing this last part. I have no idea why was I so emotional. But, all I want to say, Thank you so much for being there - I don't know what would I do without you all. :) :)

22 Jul 2011

Bon Voyage - 6

Read Part 5 Here

I have never been so uncomfortable or ashamed of myself as I feel right now while I follow them like a kid who has his first day at school. Not even when I had bared my body to a complete stranger. And now, I am covered up from top to bottom - standing before these two utterly normal people feeling dirty and out of place. Abeer points to the quadruple table near the edge of the cozy room.

I guess I would sit alone and I so wish I was somewhere else. However, I walk like a puppet and squeeze myself in the corner while he and Nalini sit together laughing at something Abeer said. I wish I could fling the pepper and salt shakers at her face. I wish I could slap Abeer. Okay. Not really. I wasn’t feeling violent. I was feeling – lost, alone and sore.
I wanted to shoot her.
May be I am Depressed.
 I babble mentally.

“Hey Ira, I hear you write really well? I mean Abeer was telling me about your half-finished novel…” Nalini smiles at me like an older sister. Huh. Really?

“Uh. I don’t write anymore.” I say stiffly. I can’t believe I am an entertainer. Kill me.

“You don’t?” She has guts to act surprised. Stop hating her Ira. My conscience chastises me. I try with a smile this time…totally ignoring Abeer.

“Actually, I don’t get time. I..uh…work with a designer. Free lancing.” That wasn’t a complete lie. I did work with a designer. I work with him. You get the idea. I am unemployed.

“Hmmm….so you are an artist as well? Wow. We have a natural talent here Abeer!” Nalini laughs with a twinkle in her eye and I notice the imperceptible movement of her palm towards his palm. Okay, I already hate her.
THIS never happened between them. Did it?
“So, ummm, you guys are together?” I couldn’t avoid the question anymore. I have to know before I start acting like a crazed psycho ex-girlfriend. I get Abeer’s reaction instantly. A raised left brow and a look – oh you are still there. I look at Nalini – and feel my gut clench. She is blushing. Now that I have asked the question and seen the varied expressions – I realize I really don’t want to know the answer.

“Haha. No Ira. We are not together. Abeer here though, had definitely asked me out a year and a half ago, but, I am already engaged.” She grins at me and shows a fat emerald ring decorated with tiny diamonds around the edges. I give a look to Abeer and feel a guilty pleasure. He had asked her out and she had rejected. Yes! In your face.

I wish I had this one.
“Ahem. Well, you did show interest in me. Didn’t you?” Abeer says. Oh! How I love that voice.
“Hey, I never said I didn’t like you.” Nalini says. I really want this sugary conversation to end and get to the point. I am hating the innocent flirtation going on here. I can feel my sarcasm build up. 

“Guys, so are we chit chatting the whole evening or do I get to hear some news?” I say, sounding like a total bitch, but I really don’t care. I want to know why in the first place I was meeting Abeer. I definitely did not have this on my mind.

“Oh Ira, sure. Let’s talk about something that Abeer and I came up with. For you.” Nalini smiles at me. Doesn’t she get tired? Smiling all the time? 

“We know about your work Ira.” Abeer says. My heart knows what he means but I try to keep a nonchalant attitude.

“Of course you do. I just told you, didn’t I?” I ask in a mocking tone. 

“Tell us something about Rhea.” Nalini says, seriously. No smile. Abeer is staring at me – with his dark eyes while I realize that my eyes have widened in a huge give away manner. What THE hell!

“Rhea? Who Rhea?” I ask thinking what was the best way to bolt from here.

"Rhea you. The Elite Escort Rhea - whose life is your life now." Nalini says seriously. Why wasn't Abeer saying anything? I feel my eyes fill up like a moron. 

"What do you mean?" I ask. Abeer and Nalini exchange looks. I get up, frustrated with this puzzled conversation. So they know. How? I have no idea. 

"I have to leave." I turn around and start to walk out.

"Ira wait." I hear Abeer as I increase my speed.

"IRA WAIT. Don't you want to know why I came here? I still love you Ira...DON'T GO." I hear Abeer say as he grabs by wrist from behind. 

His touch was as surreal as I was feeling at the moment. He said, "I love you"
Keep reading for the concluding part my friends! :D

20 Jul 2011

Bon Voyage - 5

"Choking, coughing and sputtering, I gasp for air as my eyes flutter open. I realize that I was dreaming a horrid dream. I wake up shakily and wipe the sweat off my brow, trying to calm myself that it was just a disturbing night(day)mare. I glance at my alarm clock – 2:45 pm. I cannot sleep anymore. I have been in this room for an entire day – such peace. I suddenly feel a spurt of joy that may be – just may be – I will get out of this shit I had chosen once for myself. After all, everyone has a choice, don’t they? Once I had made a choice to get into this and now I have a choice to step out. I will step out. 

It’s not so easy Ira. People will remember your face, if not your body. 

My heart speaks the dreaded truth. When I will step into the real world as me – there would be people who know me, as Rhea but yes, who will take the risk to identify an escort? Won’t their credentials be at stake too? If they keep quiet, I keep quiet. I have had managed to get few contacts who would help me and I could call them my friends. They include men who didn’t sleep with me, just shared their sentiments and let me go. I had heard their stories and made them feel better. There’s always a time for payback and I know I have some solid grounding. 

Thinking all of this, I get up to get dressed. Standing in front of the full length mirror – I take in my reflection. With no trace of make up on my face, I look like myself – like Ira. My big eyes covered with dark lashes look innocent and frightful – which I actually am. My hair, black and straight was rolled in a loose bun – giving me a nerdy-messy look which made me smile; I used to look like that during exams. 

I choose a simple outfit – trying my best to remove all the tell tale signs of my slut like demeanor. I put light kohl coloring my eyes and just plain Vaseline on my lips. Pairing a black ironed puffed sleeve shirt with blue trousers and ballet flats – I look like a writer I would have been. Clamping the wrist watch on my right hand, I take a deep centering breath and text Abeer – 

‘I’m leaving. Will c u @park.’
‘Oh cool, I’m almost done. Will be there in 15.’

Location: Vyas Park. Time: 5:50 PM

I fidget nervously on the cold iron bench – my heart thumping loudly as the hands of my watch tick close to 6. The nightmarish dream keeps replaying before my eyes and I take in large gulps of breaths. Okay, there’s no point in hyperventilating Ira, you are just making things more complicated.

Yea, I already know that. I close my eyes and rub my brow, trying to throw away the pain that was slowly building up in my head.

“A Coffee would surely help you with that headache.” 

I let out a surprised “Uh” as I turn around in the direction of the voice. A stranger stands before me. A woman – a beautiful one at that. I fail to hide my surprise when I see Abeer walking towards us, right behind the woman. Oh, I should have thought about this before. Abeer is married now. I get up, my palms sweating profusely as Abeer comes over.

“Hi Ira.” He holds out his hand, in a formal handshake as I still try to recover desperately from the shock I get from the woman standing there in a pink embroidered saree. 
“Hi Abeer…um…” I try to smile but I don’t remember how to while the lady takes charge. 
“Hi Ira, I am Nalini, Abeer’s co-author for his recent book The Cherry Tree.” The beautiful woman holds my hand smiling as I lose all my sense of conversation. 

“Hey, let’s go there, so that we can talk in a better setting.” Abeer says, smiling at the lady, pointing towards his left. His eyes fall over me and I see nothing in them. Nalini smiles – oh, how beautiful can someone be? Her pink lips turn up causing two dimples to appear. 

It burns my insides with some unknown animosity. Okay, I admit. I was acting like a teen, being jealous. He was in love with this woman, it was so obvious in his eyes. I ignore the jabbing pins in my heart as I nod in their general direction, walking towards the canopied coffee shop sitting like a comfortable duck in the corner of the park."

Ira's life is about to change...

18 Jul 2011

Bon Voyage - 4

"I was/I am the goddess of love – divine, seductive and mysterious. And there was a high price to get me. I relished every single moment. But today, that divinity has thrown me on the ground – with only one thing on my mind to look forward to – seeing Abeer and telling him the truth. 

Reminiscing all the moments until yesterday, I wash myself up, clean my hair and scrub myself squeaky clean. I have a plan for the day. I will see Abeer. I step out of the bath. My coffee is steaming lightly on the table top. I sit on the bed, wrapped in a white robe and chew my breakfast slowly. I need time to think. I can see two options:
One, I can tell him the truth of me being an escort and let him yell/scream/hate or be disappointed in me. I will recover from the heartbreak; or
Two, lie to him. Make up some story about what I did in these four years and why I disappeared. 

Second option is more feasible I think. That way we can go on our separate ways and I can escape dealing with the emotional drama trauma. Feeling more confident than I felt I fish out another cell phone from my purse. It was for emergency purposes only and had my older – Ira’s – contacts. I text Abeer from the number he had given me.

‘Hey. I want 2 c u @conference after u r done.’ 
‘Ira? Wow! I’m surprised! Vl c u @ 6 pm 2day? I’m free after 4’
‘Okay wimme. Where do u wanna meet?’
‘@Vyas Park? It’s 10 minutes from my hotel. I will walk it up till there.’
‘Okay, I will c u @ 6 then.’ 

I could not text anymore. I could feel the nervousness bubble its way up from my stomach to my throat. 

‘Ira, I’m glad you texted. C u. :)’

Ugh. I am scared. I will see him – that is one thing I am pretty sure of. But my past will catch up with me. And as a guy, I am sure; he will have a hard time understanding me. 

Ira, you should tell him the truth. He has loved you. He will understand. My conscience whispers.

No way am I telling him about myself. I agree with myself on the second solution and decide to sleep for a while. I had a rough night and I needed some good sleep before I could see him. I curl up on my bed and set an alarm for 3:30 pm. It’s 11. I will enjoy this moment of bliss while it lasts.

I draw the curtains shut and crawl under the soft quilt. Ah. My stiff body relaxes as I try to doze off into oblivion. Suddenly, I wake up feeling a pang of nervousness. I hear a knock on my door. I check the time – it’s 1 pm. I feel my heart thump as I get up to open the door. 

I peep into the magic eye – OHMYGOD! Abeer is standing outside. Oh no! Oh no! I ball my fists and take a deep breath. I will have to face him anyway. I open the door as he makes his way into my room instantly. 

What I see scares me to death. He is angry. His face is red with his jaw ticking. Oh God. He knows. 

“Rhea?! You did sleep around, didn’t you?” Abeer screams at me while I watch everything as an observer.
“Abeer…I…” I try to say something but the hollow in my stomach has deepened. I cannot frame my sentences.
“Shutup! I waited for you these many years thinking you might be doing something useful! And you? Slut!” He hisses as his hand grips me around my throat. 

My heart whispers – You will die Ira. I will die. Abeer’s this side was not known to me. I lose consciousness as the sweet blackness engulfs me. "

Two more parts to go my lovely people! Yes, MSM is back! :D :D Thanks, for all the love you showered on me. I feel Blessed! :) :)

14 Jul 2011

Go Away July!

Blessed Be Everyone!

I know there was supposed to be the 4th Part to the Bon Voyage Series but my Emotional Roller Coaster has just plunged into the lowest depth possible - Anger, Hurt and Depression! (No, I am not PMS-ing please!) I thought the best way to let it all out was to write (and paint, which I did). Past few months (April, May and June) have been totally upside down - My results were out and I passed (Phew!) which was a plus; I couldn't spend more than 3 days with my brother who is my anchor - which was a downside; there was an incorrigible family situation which I couldn't solve - a downside; gained a new perspective from my father - was a plus. Made a new friend - Lost another. Welcomed a new member to the friends' group and witnessed some of the very real emotions up close. 

Had a shocker too last night, when heard about the Mumbai blasts - my Mama (Mother's brother) is there and thankfully he is all right. But the other people who died and their photos on the news, saddened me so much.  Saw a funeral walk while returning from college. Came back to the apartment...felt so so so lonely that I couldn't concentrate on doing anything. Then I decided to paint [Just to let you know - I cannot paint for nuts, though I sketch quite well :)]

I have no idea why I am feeling like this...I cannot write, I don't want to talk, I am scared about so many things...my mother's health and my stupid low attendance and rounds of Director's Office. It's like I am living in a bubble of my own - which no one can access nor I can let someone in. I can't cry and I can't go home. Home, I miss it, like so much. My researches on mystical things have stopped - I am adjusting and re-adjusting to so many situations. I used to think I am pretty strong in controlling my emotions - no one could tell what I feel but now, it's like I will break. I know I know, I am cribbing and I shouldn't have been writing this in the first place...but I just did. (No going back now, huh?) 

Anyway, my mind is asking me to stop and my heart is asking me to go on...but I think I will stop here. You can ignore this One Hell of a Cribbing Post - but I would like if you could give me one of those Jaadu ki Jhappis. :) :) Oh, and I leave you all with this poem I wrote million years ago, just felt like reading it today.

Once upon a time, I was a BIG fan of Japanese Manga and other art forms. Hence the picture :)

12 Jul 2011

Bon Voyage - 3

"I wake up as the curtain over the windows slide and blaring of horns and head high sunlight make their way into my room. My eyes feel sand papery and are puffed up. I call the room service and order a Black Coffee with Omelette. I get up feeling like a rag doll drowned in water – with no energy left to do anything. Abeer’s one letter had thrown me out of course like that – what will meeting him do to me?

You are so dead Ira.

Trrrrrring. Ugh, I forget I am an escort. I check my cell phone. Oh! The call is from the President of a very big company. He wants me to entertain his foreign delegates. He isn’t interested in me. 

“Am I speaking to Rhea?” Duh! 
“Will you make it by 8 tonight? We have a meeting at Marriott. I will leave you there. The requisite amount will be transferred to your account.” He said in his gruff voice. I was wasting his time. 
“I am sorry. I am sick. I don’t think so I can make it tonight....No, I don’t need money. Thank you ----- I said I am not going to do it! Get Lost!” I scream into the mouth piece. My trade name is Rhea. And I was not going to do anything what Rhea does, today. 

I get up and walk to the washroom groggily. 

Trrring. Trrrrrrrrring. Argh! I pick up the phone and jam it under the mattress. 

“Go to Hell! Let me be in Peace!” I scream at no one.

Holding my head in both my hands I get into the bathroom to run hot water in the tub and put some lavender oil I carry with me. Yeah, I know. Fancy. Whatever. 

My room door bell rings. I let in the bearer with my breakfast and when he leaves, I bolt the doors shut, giving him an extra tip of Rs.20 for not letting anyone disturb me for the next 7 hours or so. I take off my clothes and lower myself into the tub. My body looks like that of a stranger. I have a blooming blue bruise on my left thigh. Some men are animals and don’t know even the basics of love making. They treat you like chicken and want to tear you apart. My neck hurts and I am disgusted with my own body. I can literally feel million hands all over me, smothering me, choking me, feeding on me. 

Oh! What have I done?! How will I face Abeer? Will he even love me again? What am I thinking? 

My tears start to fall fresh and I had thought I couldn’t cry more. I sob and sob with my face buried in my hands, wishing that someone could hug me and tell me everything will be all right – that I wasn’t so lost that I couldn’t find my way back home.

I am surprised to find myself at crossroads after four years. I have everything now - new name, new face, money, doting lovers but not the righteous Abeer, who was practical, loving and different. He will be different, always. 

When I had enrolled in a designing school, leaving aside my writing dream - the dazzle of the industry made me something else. I was beautiful but I wanted to be sexy and hot. My long dark tresses were chopped to give me an edgy look, my lips puckered in red lipstick and frills, cuts adorned my fragile, dainty body. With the attention I received from every single guy in my college, I was riding high on the waves of ecstasy.

Abeer was there even then, warning me that I was pushing things wayyy too far. I hated his intrusion and purposely did things that would irritate him and give me reasons to fight. I had known him for past 8 years then and it's been 12 years now, since we met...I am still the same - irresponsible, immature and blinded by shallow things.

I slowly rub the bruise and notice different marks all over my body. No amount of bathing can ever heal the scars on my soul, on my conscience. I am cheap. So cheap. I had sold myself for 1500 Rupees - to someone who made me see what luxuries my body can provide me with..."

Will Ira drown in Rhea's personality or will she find a way out of this swamp? Keep reading by loyal  friends! :)